Actually, the Studio version of this Song is Great and probably Better than the live acoustic one.

As is often the case with music or any other type of art, you may have to wait Several years to see whether it is ephemeral or will Stand the test of time.

'Iceland's Greatest and Brightest export-a golden Spot on the current drab 21st century musical Scene.

Another great LOTR post: Sometimes Good Things Come To Those Who Wait.

Musings at the Gray Havens: The Riddles of Aragorn # 3: Estel the Lover:  Aragorn and Arwen in Lothlorien The Lord of the Rings is one of those odd books in which romance, love-triangles, explicit sex-scenes ...

A Great Song of Earlier Times.

Great Post Regarding LOTR.

Musings at the Gray Havens: Tips for first-time readers of 'The Lord of the Ri...: Let's be honest: literature isn't what it used to be. English prose is suffering, always sliding downhill. More and more words a...

Rush- Still Going Strong at 40+ Although Weathered A Bit By the Frost.

To The Finland Station.....And Back Again.

How to Succeed in the 21st Century (Without Even Trying!)

Hey there, watch your mouth! Here is a short summary of the things one should do (or not do) to be truly successful in the 21st century. Ready? Here it goes: It's all about taking control and manning up, lawyering up, and stepping up to the plate in order to keep from getting thrown under the bus. In addition, you should also parse through the current narrative on your plate to avoid some serious major wardrobe malfunction. Try not to kick the can down the road while you're at it, and OMG if you Laugh Out Loud at the World Trade Federation which everyone seems to be talking about these days. Also, to get face time, you should be fierce, crazy sexy smart and cool, not to mention intentional, fully relational, fully engaged, and totally willing to come along side and show the love. Of course, you should also feel the love and double down on making it happen. But it will help if you also try to make a difference. Transition, position, and use grow as an active verb. If you eat your peas and take the lead, you'll rock like the rockstar you are! That would be major, big-time smoking hot. That will also be the best. thing. ever. It will also be a complete game changer. Of course, if there's a smackdown and you get dissed with your pants on the ground, then don't crash and burn even if it's gone viral, because there's an app for that, and also because it's all good. It's like that, it's all that, and if you've made 'wrong choices' and engaged in 'inappropriate behavior', then just chill and be. Because at the end of the day, you know what? IT IS WHAT IT IS. If this has inspired you, then please feel free to post this to as many people as you like. (or to as many people as you don't like)

Who's On First Principles of Effective Cross Examination?

This Summer's Coming Attractions.

The Paronomasia Review, Film Board of Ironies and Hollywood Insider have just come out with a list of the best movies due for release for the summer of 2012. Here is a quick rundown of some of the better ones:

1. "The Trayvon Martin Story"- a quickly made and released tribute to the late, great American Martyr who gave his life for his faith & country. It is expected to have its' worldwide premier in several select theatres on Chicago's southside, and more particularly, Congressman Bobby Rush's electoral district. Leni Riefenstahl, Jr. and Oliver Stone co-directed this heart-warmer. The first 100 customers will receive a free hooded sweatshirt, box of Skittles, and complementary can of RaceBait bug spray.

Interesting sidenote! At the last minute, Bob Dylan decided not to provide the soundtrack for the movie, ala 'Hurricane', and in typical Dylan style, reportedly said that he may even go back to his original birth name.

2. "The Pickish Games"- in the very near future, one boy and one girl from different towns decide to volunteer for a pleasant game of 4 hand contract bridge with Omar Sharif and Charles Goren. A love triangle and diamond compete with grand slams in this extremely mild thriller.

The theatres took a chance with the movie adaptation from the worldwide success of the popular teen book series which originally ran on page 25 next to the crossword puzzle and the Jumble of most newspapers.

3. "Not In My Neighborhood!"- the award winning documentary on racism and housing discrimination makes its' way to the big screen. This one proves to be a BLOCKBUSTER.

As a spontaneous promotional by Lancome, the first 50 ladies at each showing will receive a free case of REDLINER.

4. "This Is Your Life" and "Hell's Bells"- a double feature based on the popular evangelistic tracts of the 1970's and 80's. Instead of Ralph Edwards or Angus Young, these pictures feature Kirk Cameron starring in the lead role in both. Family Focus productions have heavily marketed the movies, mostly in truck stops and on the pavement of sidewalks. Be warned, though; these movies are definitely CHICK FLICKS.

HAW HAW HAW!

5. "I Feel the Earth Move"- a GROUNDBREAKING film chronicling the life and times of singer-songwriter Carole King. Ms. King is expected to play herself although a stand-in is on stand-by to stand out and cover her ecstatic lines and original compositions.

The old Heidegger is the new Heidegger!- F. Schaeffer

6. "A Largo in the Key of Sea"- those crazy Coen brothers team up again for a 'remake' of the famous 1948 film noir classic, "Key Largo". This one ought to be called "A Fargo in the Key of Sea" since it stars William H. Macy, Frances McDormand and Steve Buscemi and involves a man who has his wife kidnapped and then tries to get her back. You also should know that U2 will provide songs from the soundtrack: "You" and "UBet", Frances McDormand will provide the "You betcha", and Groucho Marx will provide the quiz show.

You betcha life!

7. Speaking of Key Largo, the beautiful Lauren Bacall (actually now an octogenarian)is host of a new documentary movie of her life with Humphrey Bogart and some of the other Hollywood stars. The film, "Humphrey & Lauren" is predictable but features some interesting trivia: for example, Bogie played regular golf with the urbane Jack Paar, Irish actor Birdy Sweeney and Eagle Eye Cody, who always took at least one mulligan.

Henny Youngman reportedly took his mulligans everywhere but they always found their way back home.

8. Speaking of Avatar, the original book was far, far better than the movie, and Dickens' "A Tale of Two Cities" was a far, far, better thing than either.

More? More? You ask for More? Alright then, 2 more.

9. John Grisham & Kathryn Stockett's tag-team blockbuster, "The The" is still expected to be in the theatres this summer and will reportedly run as a stand alone double feature with a 2 for 1 admission price.

If you've seen this one once, you've seen it twice!

10. Speaking of "The The", Yes did the soundtrack along with the Who and Them.

Rumors of an Abbott & Costello remake are unfounded and I don't know who or what started it.

Richard Collin's Greatest Hits

Legendary New Orleans restaurant reviewer Richard Collin, who died back in January, 2010, is justly known in some quarters as the "Paul Finebaum of Restaurant Critics". His masterpiece is the 1973 revised edition of his reviews of many of the Crescent City's finest (and not so finest) dining establishments. The book, "The New Orleans Underground Gourmet" has since become a classic. Here are a few of the more memorable negative reviews.

1. Bourbon-Orleans Ramada: Maurice's, 717 Orleans St.
The beef stroganoff tastes as if it came out of a can; the menu is pretentious and expensive and the kitchen inept.

2. Napoleon Restaurant, 1519 Veterans Blvd., Metairie
What a melange! The menu is pseudo-French with parenthetical notes after specialties saying "Try me." The enormous sign outside the restaurant would be
more suitable to a drive-in movie. At first the food was promising here, but
the kitchen is inconsistent and the management lacks taste. On a recent visit
a special treat was the addition of canned fruit cocktail served in the
wineglass with the St.-Emilion ordered for dinner. More fruit cocktail later
turned up on a main-dish plate of gray tough veal. Astonishing!

3. Sheraton-Charles Hotel Dining Room, 211 St. Charles Ave.
The Sheraton does not pretend that its dining room is anything but a
convenience place for hotel guests. Be happy you don't have to taste the
dish that came in second to the "prizewinning" chicken with the mystery goop.

4. Raoul's Restaurant, 4801 Veterans Blvd., Metairie
Raoul's serves consistently terrible food which ranges from stale to inedible
and at times, in an occasional flash of brilliance, mediocre.

5. Augie's Italian Kitchen and Rabito's Poor Boy Restaurant and Bar,
612 St. Charles Ave.
The poor eat poorly. This terrible restaurant in the skid row area serves
the worst red beans and sausage in town daily.

6. Paul Gross Chicken Coop, 1838 Bienville St.
The food here isn't that bad (it's not particularly good either), but it is
impossible to eat anything in what must be the most foul smelling restaurant
in the city.

7. Steer Inn, 6101 Elysian Fields Ave.
The barbecue served here is a figment of the sign painter's imagination and
the milk shakes are almost as bad.

8. Chan's Restaurant, 907 Decatur St. The food is just about inedible and the surroundings are bleak.

9. Mancuso's, 546 Camp St. The signs here ask the far-from-distinguished clientele not to bring lunch from home and to be kind to the waitresses.

10. Star Restaurant, 409 Baronne St.
Four daily 95-cent lunch specials, all flavorless. Floury beef stew and
watery coffee are part of the repertoire.

11. Varieties Stag Bar and Sandwich Shop, 139 Carondolet St.
It is a brave person who embarks through the sandwich entrance leading to the
back of the adjoining bar. The trip is not worth the trouble. The sandwiches
are dispensed from a stand on paper plates with an ice cream scoop of salad.

12. Ben's Pizza, 1443 Commercial Dr., Arabi
Ben is the king of prefab pizza, turning out more of the horrible little things
than anyone else in town with a whole bank of minature heating ovens. Is it
better to eat these pizzas quickly before they become unglued or to let them
cool, put them aside, and pick up a hamburger on the way home?

13. Pete's Spaghetti House, 900 Jefferson Hwy., Jefferson Parish
A strong contender for the worst-food-in-New Orleans award. Steak in a garlic
butter sauce (raw chopped garlic and butter) and spaghetti imprisoned under a heavy red sauce are equally atrocious.

14. Richard's Restaurant, 3944 Chef Menteur Hwy. All of the food has as much character as the watery Northern coffee this
24-hour restaurant advertises so proudly.

15. Carlos Restaurant, 2600 4th St., Harvey
Slices of packaged white bread, margarine, cans of condensed milk on the
table, and a luncheon special that is sold out by 1 P.M. are examples of why
not every restaurant in New Orleans that looks bad is good.

And the piece de resistance:

16. Chateau Le Moyne: The Charles, 303 Dauphine St. Some of the food was promising, but too much was indifferent, and the
restaurant's Keystone Kops waiters, the amateurism in the kitchen, and the
service reached a peak recently when the waiter set himself and the apple pie
flambe (!) on fire.

They sure don't review 'em like that anymore.

Random Comments on the News

1. It was reported that songwriter Jerry Leiber died on Monday, August 22. Leiber, one-half of the famous pop songwriting duo of "Leiber & (Mike) Stoller", was the composer of "Hound Dog", "Under the Boardwalk", "Stand by Me" and many, many other popular songs from the 50's all the way to the '80s. The funeral is scheduled for Friday, Aug. 26 and the service will be exactly three minutes long.

2. The old economics rule that bad money drives out good money is known as "Gresham's Law". The corresponding rule in literature that bad fiction drives out good fiction is known as "Grisham's Law." Just kidding of course! I just read "The Testament" and it was every bit as good as everyone said it was.

3. Speaking of the downfall of Qaddafi, I remember the late great Lewis Grizzard making fun of the Libyan dictator's name, "Moammar", on one of his tapes. Grizzard said that the name was Arabic for "sand in my underdrawers." Grizzard also maligned the perceived need (then, in 1986) for enlistment of NATO support for our attack on Qaddafi's compound by stating that "nobody cared what France thought and as for Spain, well Spain may have been tough back in the 1500's but nowadays, Spain couldn't even beat Vanderbilt!"

Ed. note: the definitive guide to U.S./Middle Eastern foreign policy is Lewis Grizzard's "Rules of Engagement", published in the early 1990's.

4. CAN (formerly CNN Headline News) is now officially known as the "Casey Anthony Network". It will not be included in the basic tier of Comcast cable as of October 1.

5. I remember Louis L'Amour saying in his autobiography, "Education of a Wandering Man", that Ernest Hemingway's "The Sun Also Rises" was overrated (in his opinion) and basically about (paraphrasing) "a lot of people doing nothing and going nowhere." I read about half of "The Sun Also Rises" several years ago and never finished it. I'd have to concur with L'Amour on this one, although many of Hemingway's other works are very good.

6. Speaking of Hemingway, I wonder what he would have thought about his beautiful granddaughter being mixed up with a B grade film such as this:

Margaux Hemingway is also pictured at the head of this posting, of course. Both grandfather and granddaughter committed suicide tragically. The British historian Paul Johnson has a fascinating portrait of Ernest H. in his "Intellectuals" where he labels the chapter on Hemingway as "The Deep Waters of Ernest Hemingway" and comments at the end that "art is not enough."

7. Although many people are criticizing Pres. Obama for taking a vacation on Martha's Vineyard right now, I don't begrudge him for this even though I certainly disagree with all of his policies. Many former presidents needed a well-deserved rest. Remember Nixon fishing off of the Florida Keys with his good friend Bebe Redozo, Truman driving cross-country and getting into fistfights along the way, Taft's three day benders at O'Rourke's Saloon in south D.C., and Garfield's frequent trips to Six Flags over Cuyahoga.

8. Speaking of the poor state of the economy, the 2011 edition of "Best Jobs, Worst Jobs" is out and once again, the best job is still "Executive Wine and Food Tester" for Gourmet magazine. The worst job (also once again) is "Barehanded Cesspool Dredger". I think I'll take my chances at the local job fair.

9. The screenplay taken from Jackson, Miss. native Kathryn Stockett's bestselling book "The Help" has scored very well at the box office and is being deemed already as the "feel-good movie of the year." Yeah right....feel-good....that is, if you're not a Native American. You see, Native Americans such as Choctaws, Cherokees, Navajo, were left out in the cold in this movie, and that's why they are not 'feeling good'......

10. Speaking of "The Help", Kathryn Stockett and John Grisham are planning to team up to write a new blockbuster novel about a woman coming of age in Mississippi in the1960's at a quaint little law firm in Jackson who has to battle racism and a nasty defense firm from Memphis. It is tentatively called "The The." The 1980's new wave UK group The The will also do the soundtrack.

Th..tha...the..the....that's all folks!

My Name Is Vivan Miholo and I Covet Your Vote!

This has got to be one of the sorriest political ads I've ever seen:

My name is Vivan Miholo and I covet your vote in the upcoming 2011 Primary. I am a Washington "outsider" and have no ulterior motive for securement of political power, etc.. I feel that the only way back to the greatness of this country is to move forward! Here are my principals (sic):

1. The Constitution must be protected at all costs. I carry a copy in my pocket.
2. Free Trade is chimera. Keep U.S. jobs in U.S.!
3. I will not make my opponents age or inexperience an issue in this campaign.
4. The Federal Reserve is obsolete and in need of serious overhauling measures.
5. There should be a Purge of certain parties and interests.
6.

Publishers' note: Mr. Miholo paid for this ad and it has been reproduced in toto and accordance with prevailing law. This newspaper does not and will not endorse any candidate for public office.

Godchaux Sugar Magnolia

Here are a few more 'random ramblings' aka Thomas Sowell in no particular order and possessing no particular raison d'etre:

1. In C.S. Lewis' "That Hideous Strength", the 3rd volume of his Space Trilogy, he features a character named 'Mr. Wither', one of the leaders of the 'bad guys' (the National Institute of Co-ordinated Experiments). The elderly Wither is portrayed as both quaintly eccentric and menacing. Whilst reading this work, it suddenly hit me that Matt Groening, the creator of the television show, "The Simpsons" may have borrowed the character of "Mr. Withers", Homer's boss, from this same character...............


Scratch that. Homer's boss is actually "Mr. Burns". Lo siento! I did not mean to cause any confusion. Although the cartoon character "Mr. Burns" did come into my mind when I pictured Lewis' Mr. Wither, and it makes sense if you think about it.

2. In the above ramble, I could have easily erased the first part and 'saved face' and no one would have been the wiser, but I am an honest man and believe in giving an honest day's work for an honest day's pay.

3. In Willie Morris' great autobiographical account of growing up in Yazoo City, Mississippi, "North Towards Home", he recounts the time he asked Millard Fillmore, one of the poor country boys from Graball Hill, whether he got any toys for Christmas. According to Morris, Fillmore simply answered: "Nuthin, I didn't get nuthin. I ain't studying no toys for Christmas.'

Morris pulls no punches in describing the poverty and tough life of these particular boys who 'fought long and hard amongst themselves' and played rough tackle football at recess, but who quickly tired after running for long distances since they likely suffered from hookworm and malnutrition.

4. The best and brightest chapter in "North Towards Home" in my opinion, is the one where he recounts his trips to his grandparents' house in Jackson (across from the modern day Jitney Jungle right off of Fortification Street). Morris and his grandfather, 'Percy', would go to the old minor league baseball park and watch the Jackson Senators play. After the game and upon their return to the house, Morris' grandmother would fix them a late night meal of cold shrimp, milk, and greasy and salty potato chips. Percy worked at the old Golden Flake factory, hence the potato chips.

5. Speaking of memories, one of my earliest memories involves seeing the old Godchaux Sugar commercials on television (late '60s and early '70s) with the cartoon train and locomotive huffing down a mountainous and curvy railroad track and the jingle which accompanied it: ("It's the best sugar on the sugar town line. Godchaux Sugar Town line!) I've not seen that commercial in years and can't find it on You Tube. Sometimes I wonder if I dreamed it.

6. Speaking of Louisiana, one of my favorite things to grill or simply to fry in oil on the stove is good old 'boudin' sausage. Boudin is pork sausage mixed with rice and spices in the casing. I put a little bit of Tabasco, Tony Chacherie seasoning, salt and pepper in the oil itself. Then after it is cooked good and brown, I put some of that Tabasco on de sausage there. It is sho nuff good and makes a meal all by itself, chere. I guarantee dat.

7. I realize that I lapsed into faux Cajun towards the end of the last post, and I'm sorry, but I couldn't help myself when talking about something like Boudin. There is a website called "boudinlink.com" which is highly recommended. Look at all the boudin and south Louisiana specialty meats and other things which they have on there. It'll make you mouth water and jump for joy chere, I guarantee....sorry....I did it again. Mea culpa.

8. On a throroughly non-South Louisiana note, I remember as a lad watching the Billy Graham Crusade on TV and then watching an adorable young Scandinavian lady named Evie Tornquist sing:

As seemingly sappy and 'folksy' as some of this 70's style gospel music may have been, it had melody, tune, was well written, and sure beats most of the modern style 'contemporary' stuff sung by groups named Thrashfoot, FloodGate and Keep itRealExtremeZone, none of which contains any variety nor is allowed to use over 2 chords.

Ah, dimpled Evie with thine earrings and scarf, thou shouldst be singing at this hour, the PowerPointPraiseTeam with their headsets and tattoos hath need of thee!

9. Now I didn't mean to lapse into sarcasm on the last post, but it does seem that most of all 'modern music' written since 2000, say, whether pop, rock, dance, country, ChristianContemporary, etc..all sounds like it comes forth from the same faucet and spigot. No more than 2 chords per song. No minor chords allowed, ever.

10. To end on a positive note, and also speaking of 'old school' matters, I think that the upcoming Super Bowl is an 'old school' classic: Pittsburgh Steelers v. Green Bay Packers. The team of the '60s vs. the team of the '70s. Meat and cheese packing plants vs. Steel mills. Lombardi vs. Rooney. Smash mouth vs.... Well, I guess I'd better quit whilst I'm slightly ahead. Over and out.

Knowledge is Power

Here is another test involving general knowledge, literature, conceits, deceits, surfeits, surplusage, &c....Once again, A is A, B is B, and....you can guess the rest. The difference here is that four Questions (A-D) will follow each statement and styled and worded in throroughly Modern Jargon. Therefore, if you are a member of 'Generation Y' and graduated from high school after 2000, you will probably do very well at this, indeed. (Postscript: Why is Olympic swimmer Natalie Coughlin pictured above? I have no idea!)
Well anyway, let's get started: (No texting, please!)

1. In GK Chesterton's "Everlasting Man", he adumbrates that 'cave-men' may or may have not actually lived in caves simply because of the drawings of animals, etc. found therein, and by implication, adumbrates that much evolutionary theory and 'anthropology' (this was in the early 20th century, but his adumbrations ring true today obviously) is based upon mere conjecture, unwarranted conclusions and simply false presuppositions which are themselves a product of a rationalistic, materialistic 'closed-system' universe.

Question A: How do you feel about this?
Question B: Does this make you mad? Happy? Glad? Sad?
Question C: Have you ever adumbrated anything? If so, when? Where? With who?
Question D: How did it make you feel to adumbrate?

2. In George Bernard Shaw's "Man and Superman", the character of the devil is quoted as describing John Milton's "Paradise Lost" as "a very long poem which no one has ever read all the way through."

Question A: How do you feel about this?
Question B: Do you like it?
Question C: Have you ever read anything all the way through?
Question D: Does this "float your boat?"

3. In "The Oak and the Calf", the late great Alexander Solzheinitsyn movingly describes his literary career of documenting both in fiction and non-fiction, the totalitarian horror of the early and mid 20th century Soviet Union:

If I had given in to common sense, once, twice, ten times, my achievement as a
writer would have been incomparably smaller. But I had gone on writing-as a
bricklayer, in overcrowded prison huts, in transit jails without so much as a
pencil, when I was dying of cancer, in an exile's hovel after a double teaching
shift. I had let nothing-dangers, hindrances, the need for rest- interrupt
my writing, and only because of that could I say at fifty-five that I how had
no more than twenty years of work to get though, and had put the rest behind
me. My petty interferences-people, children, housework, public demands
(but most of all, my own native undisciplined self)-bump against such
reality. I continue to pound my balled fist against my own soft soul and to
insist, No Excuses! No Excuses!

Question A: How does this make you feel?
Question B: Does this passage "rock your world?"
Question C: Does it make you feel "plugged in?"
Question D: Have you also "been there and done that?"

4. Speaking of Solzhenitysn, one Russian critic stated that his works were "more
dangerous" to the Soviet regime than "those of Pasternak (Boris)", since "Pasternak
was a man divorced from life, while Solzhenitsyn, with his animated, militant,ideological temperament, is a man of principle."

Question A: What's up with this?
Question B: Does this have any relevance to you?
Question C: Does this "turn you on?"
Question D: Have you ever heard of either man?

5. C.S. Lewis was very fond of Edmund Spenser's "The Fairy Queen" (written in the 16th century in England), and he once made the quaint observation that the best introduction one could have to such a work would be to have read it as a teenager between the ages of 12 and 16 in an old heavy illustrated folio edition, and on a
rainy day.

Question A: Does this make any sense to you?
Question B: Is this 'all good'?
Question C: Have you ever heard of Edmund Spenser?
Question D: Have you ever heard of C.S. Lewis?

6. The great philosopher Baruch Spinoza is known for making the observation that all principles of.......

ATTENTION: JULIAN ASSANGE OF WIKILEAKS, INC. HAS APPARENTLY STOLEN THE REST OF THIS TEST INFORMATION, SO THE TEST WILL THEREFORE END AT THIS TIME. THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION IN THIS MATTER.




`"It is by the art of studying little things that we attain as much comfort and alleviate as much misery as possible." - Dr. Samuel Johnson

Favorite Literary Scenes: Vote Early and Vote Often!

And now for a quick little change-of-pace, here's a few questions in which the humble reader of this blog can vote for his (or her) favorite 'literary occasion' as regarding a multiplicity of scenes, quotes, scenarios, etc. and involving multiple authors, dead and/or alive....etc... Simply choose A, B, C or D. (Like the infamous 'Francis Schaeffer' Test-see blog archives). There are no "right" or "wrong" answers, only stupid and inane ones.

1. Which is your favorite food scene in a John Grisham novel?

A. The scene from "Playing for Pizza" where Rex Dockery is wined and dined by his new Italian teammate football players, and partakes of veal parmiagiano, antipasto with fresh anchovies, olives and prosciutto, along with fine Po Valley red wine.

B. The scene from "The Partner" where old Clovis Goodman is taken by Patrick Lanigan to the catfish house and eats one piece of greasy fried catfish after another with his nose just inches over the plate. He never looks up for the check and also is taken to empty out his bladder several times afterwards.

C. The scene from "A Painted House" where big nasty Hank Spruill, while gobbling prodigious quantities of food, has his cheeks stuffed with cornbread, and ignores everybody else while the protagonist's family is introduced to the Spruill family.

D. The scene from "The Summons" where Harry Rex Vonner, the fat small town attorney eats his breakfast of fried eggs, sausage, grits, hash browns, coffee, bacon and cigarettes. (Trick question: this occurs more than once.)

2. Which is your favorite recreational activity as described in C.S. Lewis' immortal "The Screwtape Letters"?

A. Bawdy and blasphemy over coffee with urbane friends.

B. Enjoying cocoa and county cricket.

C. Entering into the state called "Anger" (or the state called "Lust"-pick either!)

D. Trickling into the wrong bed in automatic response to sexy advertisements because you have nothing else to do. (Trick question: This one is from "Screwtape Proposes a Toast")

3. What is your favorite disgusting world record (from the "Guinness Book of World Records")?

A. That Indian guy who never cut his fingernails and as a consequence, let them grow to about 2 feet long.

B. That other Indian guy who never trimmed his mustache and as a consequence, let it grow out to about 20 feet long (the picture in the 1976 edition shows 2 other people holding the tips of it.)

C. The Iowa farmer, Charles Osborne, who contracted hiccups while slaughtering a hog, and had them for about 50 years.

D. The Greek dude who reportedly stole the recipe for fire from the gods and as a consequence, was tied to the top of a mountain where giant birds ate out his liver on a quotidian basis.

4. What is your favorite Harry Golden "Only in America" nostalgia story?

A. The description of the old Automat on the corner of East 14th Street and Fourth Avenue in New York where you could buy pork and beans and discuss socialism with the "freethinkers" all of which sure beat going to synagogue. Where are they today? They should all live so long!

B. The description of the old generation immigrant Jewish mothers who gave their daughters-in-law a giant jar of 'schmaltz' (chicken fat) on a weekly basis and encouraged them to use it!

C. The description of the tragic Triangle shirtwaist fire in 1911 which killed 146 immigrant worker girls, and the resulting trial in which the great Max Steuer, defense attorney who should have an eidetic (photographic) memory, expertly deflated one of the girls' testimony by showing that she had memorized her spiel and had left out two words in her 3rd recitation of it (and this on cross-examination of all things!), thereby ensuring an acquittal for Triangle, however nonetheless, many changes ensued which made working conditions much better for all concerned.

D. The description of reducing America's "Age of Anxiety" by substitution for the normal businessman's lunch of a hot dog, cola and BC headache powder, that of "a nice cold gefilte fish with a strong horseradish, followed maybe by a huge bowl of golden chicken soup with matzoh balls made of eggs, and light as a feather." We should all be so fortunate!

5. What is your favorite "Harry Potter" scene?

A. The scene from the first book at Hogwarts school where Harry finishes his first bowl of soup and dares to ask Mr. Dumbledore for some more. Mr. Dumbledore then bellows back at poor Harry: "More?" "More?" "You dare ask for more?"

B. The scene from the second book where Harry's pal Tweedleglum asks him why he hates the South, and Harry cries out: "I don't hate the South! I don't! I don't! I don't! I don't!"

C. The scene from the third book where Harry's good-natured friend, Chet drives up to Hogwarts in his old 'jalopy' and and orders a "malted milk, shaken...not stirred."

(Ed. personal note: Have you ever confused the Hardy Boys and the Young James Bond books? I certainly have!)

D. The scene from the final book where Harry wakes up in his bed with Suzanne Pleshette.

6. What is your favorite William F. Buckley, Jr. quotation from the "Letters to the Editor" column in National Review?

A. The one where he says: "I am hardly self-existing, but it does seem that I am a bit ubiquitous, at least to my liberal critics! Cordially, WFB."

B. The one where he says: "Even if a more perspicuous critic than Jorge Luis Borges were to deflate such an accusation, a more peremptory dismissal could not be conceived by the most rigid Thomist or recondite litterauer! Cordially, WFB."

C. The one where he says: "Perhaps you should consider the purchase of an outrigged skiff complete with mainsail, and enjoy the companionship of a 1932 Grinot Cherbourg....I always find this to constitute the fabulis tedramus non poeces to an otherwise adroit sur la ouevre! Cordially, WFB.

D. The one where he says: "And that's how I made my first million!" (Trick answer: This is actually Percy Ross.)

7. What is your favorite Shirley Maclaine past life account?

A. The one from "Dancing With Myself" where she remembers being Mata Hari.

B. The one from "Dancing as Fast As You Can" where she remembers being Cleopatra.

C. The one from "Dancing in the Light" where she remembers being Thucydides.

D. The one from "Dancing Till I Drop" where she remembers being Gig Young.

8. What is your favorite fictional scene from the New York Times?

A. The story of little Jimmy and his heroin addiction written by Janet Cooke.

B. The indepth reporting of Lee Malvo and John Muhammed, the DC snipers by Jayson Blair.

C. The wonderful accounts of life in the Soviet Union under Uncle Joe Stalin by the great Walter Duranty in the 1930's.

D. All of the other articles.

9. What is your favorite "Bringing Up Father" comic strip?

A. The one where Jiggs sneaks out of the house and goes to Dinty Moores to eat corned beef and cabbage.

B. The one where Jiggs sneaks back into the house at night and gets clocked on the head by Maggie's rolling pin.

C. The one where Jiggs sticks his fingers in his ears in an attempt to block out the sound of Maggie's caterwauling on their grand piano.

D. The one where Maggie holds the football for Jiggs to kick it, and right before he can kick it, she pulls it away and he lands flat on his back.

10. What is your favorite motivational book written by a famous coach?

A. Vince Lombardi's "Winning Isn't Everything-It's the Only Thing!"

B. Nick Saban's "How Good Do You Want To Be? A Champion's Tips On How to Lead and Succeed in Work and Life."

C. Pete Carroll's "Win Forever: Live, Work and Play Like a Champion."

D. Knute Rockne's "How to Win Every Time With the Flying Wedge."

That's all! Cast your votes like they did in the olden days complete with free lemonade and fistfights at the polls.

Random Ramblings Reprise

1. I remember watching the great comic actor Arte Johnson (Laugh-In, etc.) narrate and play all of the main characters in a television production of the book of Esther in the Old Testament. I believe I saw this early on a Sunday morning way back in the mid 1970's. I wonder if anyone remembers this. Johnson played Mordecai, Haman, King Xerxes, and even donned a wig to play Esther herself. One-man shows in which different characters are portrayed by one actor used to be all the rage. Recently I saw Valerie Harper play Golda Meir, both of her parents, her boyfriend (later husband) as well as Ben Gurion in a one man (or rather,'one-woman') show on the Jewish Television network.

This takes some kind of talent.

2. The legendary Will Rogers is known for making the statement that he had "never met a stranger." Of course, this is due to the fact that he suffered from severe agoraphobia which resulted in his never being able to leave his house during his entire adult life.

3. The author Robert Fulghum is famous for his book, "Everything I Need to Know, I Learned In Kindergarten." That was easy for him to say, since Mr. Fulghum, it is widely known now, attended an extremely advanced kindergarten in upstate New York where he learned history, government, science, math, law, accounting, visual art and even typing.

4. I don't believe in Nietzsche's doctrine of eternal recurrence where everything that has ever happened has supposedly happened once before and will happen again, ad infinitum. That is, I don't believe it now. I'll probably believe in it next time.

5. The great James Lileks posted an old cartoon on his site in which a Depression-era hobo knocked at a lady's door, asking if he could do any work for her. The lady rudely said that "there wasn't nothing" he could do for her (sic). Undeterred, the hobo, who was quick on his feet, remarked that there was indeed something he could do for the lady. The very polite hobo kindly told the lady, "Oh yes, there is something I can do for you. I can correct your grammar." This was very true, and at the moment the hobo said this comment, there seem to be a multitude of hobos, vagrants, idlers, and 'hangers-on' all gathered to the far horizon as far as the eye can see, who give a hearty 'hurrah' at this well-placed barb.

Old cartoons ain't what they used to be.

6. Speaking of old cartoons, I once saw an issue of "Bunky" who is basically a baby who comments upon the action from his position in a corner of the strip, much like one of the political cartoons of Pat Oliphant. But the main character revolves around an obscenely wealthy idler named 'Gilhooley' who has a beloved dog named 'John Thomas.' In one strip, Gilhooley decides to invite everyone and anyone named 'John Thomas' to his mansion where he will throw a party in his dog's honor. About 40 or 50 people show up and hear Gilhooley belt out "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow" while the real John Thomas snores in a corner. The people enjoy this show while ransacking through his mansion, going in his refrigerator, and pulling the butler's cap down on his eyes. 'Bunky' makes the wry observation from his corner caption that Gilhooley is 'tetched in the haid.' "Bunky" usually ran in the 1930's on the Sunday page above "Barney Google."

7. The phrase "every dog has his day" comes from the old tort law concerning dog bites. At the common law, when a dog bit someone, and the owner was sued, the plaintiff could usually not recover if it was proven to be the dog's 'first bite.' The original phrase was thusly: "Every dog deserves one free bite." This phrase gradually evolved into the phrase "every dog has his day."

8. Speaking of catchphrases, the oft used "wow-oh" is directly traceable to the trend as begun in 2002 of everyone dropping their vowels at the least opportunity. The great Icelandic pop singer and performance artist, Bjork (as pictured) was an expert at this type of lingo.

9. You know you grew up in a squalid, tiny tenement slum if you always admired the expansive and spacious manner in which sardines were arranged in their can.

10. Speaking of growing up the hard way, I've got to go to bed since it's late and the work truck comes by my house at 6 o'clock sharp. I missed it this morning and had to spend the day scrubbing the highway with a toothbrush.

Random Ramblings-The Bootleg Sessions

1. Burger Chef, thou shouldst be living at this hour...Fast-food America has need of thee! She is a fen.

The original Burger Chef commercials of the early to mid 1960's featured an urbane pre-Paper Chase John Houseman who stood stiffly in front of the camera on the verrazano of the headquarters office and intoned in a persuasive manner : "There are quite a number of sound reasons to eat at Burger Chef and very simply, no reason at all not to do so!" Believe me, after that, you got in your 1964 Impala and took the wife and children to the Burger Chef......posthaste!

In 1968, Burger Chef discontinued this commercial because the "times were a changing, etc...so they fired Houseman and brought in Arlo Guthrie and eventually by 1971, the Burger Chef and Jeff cartoon characters.

Burger Chef filed for Chapter 7 in 1982, but what a ride it was! Aquamarine and orange. The Big Cheese and the Captain's Meal.....Burger Chef, we won't forget you.

2. I once heard a speech by a man named Henny Youngman at a gathering once. It was truly disturbing. He started his speech by holding his wife as an example for some illustration he was trying to make, and then he respectfully offered her physically to the audience. He then said that he took his wife many different places, presumably to get rid of her, but she always returned to their house. Mr. Youngman also told of a friend of his who was given a terminal diagnosis of 6 months concerning some terrible illness by his doctor, and if this wasn't enough, he told his physician that he was financially strapped and could not compensate him. Mr. Youngman relates that his friend's doctor then 'adjusted' his diagnosis of terminality to a full year.

3. It is a truth universally acknowledged that the greatest of all Jane Austen novels is "Mansfield Park" and the greatest film adaptation of said novel is the recent PBS production with the irrepressible Billie Piper as Fanny Price (as shown). When watching Piper play Fanny Price, the viewer feels as if he or she is watching Fanny Price actually come to life. In this vein of "uncanny resemblances", the only performances comparable to this one in the world of film adaptations is John Goodman's legendary role of the equally legendary Babe Ruth in "The Babe" (1992) and Muhammad Ali's playing of himself in "When We Were Kings" (1996).

4. In 1876, Alexander Graham Bell invented the first telephone. Things really didn't get rolling until 3 years later when the 2nd one was invented.

5. Speaking of inventions, sliced bread was invented in 1450 and the concept of a "time-frame" was invented in 1918. Before 1450, every entity or idea stood alone with no "frame of reference." (By the way, "frames of reference" were invented by Dr. Thomas Howell in 1750.)

6. The Rash Linebaugh show (for poorer markets which can't afford Rush Limbaugh) runs daily from 1-3 on AM radio in those areas, and is a very poor substitute. Mr. Linebaugh's "show" consists of veiled threats and canned slogans shouted without restraint. I don't care for the show and would rather listen to music instead.

7. President Obama speaks to the American people every single day at noon on whatever topic happens to be the 'subject of the day.' This is too much exposure and indicative of too much government in our everyday life. My idea of the perfect president would hearken back to the Gilded Age of the post-Civil War 19th century when presidents were rarely seen and even more rarely, heard. The "Absentee Landlord" model of the presidency is the best, in my opinion.

8. Most states allow for 'holographic wills' and a few allow '3-D wills'. Outright holograms are frowned upon although allowed in 10 or more states. I've read that 2 states (California and Idaho, I believe) now incorporate Pixar animation for last wills and testaments.

9. Anagrams Now Are Good Reading And Make Sense.

10. The Socratic method as used by law professors should include real hemlock.

Nostradamus Predictions

Here are a few very timely Nostradamus predictions (from "All Things Nostradamus", LSU Press, 1997). Judge for yerself whether the old Frenchman hits it out of the park or whiffs it big-time. Remember, these were all made in the 16th century!

1. Concerning the BP Oil Spill:

And in the 'Greate Gulf'
There came an force and blast
Spilling ye carbons into the sea
Ruinin' de shrimp and killin' BP.

(This one is a little atypical of Casa Nostra, since he usually never
rhymed any of them.)

2. Concerning the Helen Thomas Debacle:

And on the white lawn
The ancient hag speakes
Regarding Zion and Canaan's lands, she
Hath stayeth way, way, way overlong.

(Nostradamus speaks for us all; Ms. Thomas shoulda been retired many moons ago.)

3. Concerning the Joran Van Der S***t Situation:

Vain and rotten spoiled
The bad prince slayeth two more fair,
But ending in the Inca house (!)
By hanging, decapitation and the giante corkscrew.

(Well, Nostradamus came from an age where the death penalty still applied pretty much everywhere. We can only hope as much.)

4. Concerning the Recent Perfect Game Spoiled By A Bad Call, But.....

Twenty-sixe rise and twenty-sixe fall
The final one is made safe at starting bease (sic)
With no regard, but the judge weeps, and the aggrieved
Is madeth whole, all's well that enswell.

(Twist of irony: Nostradamus actually coined the word 'enswell' in a
quatrain foreshadowing boxing and more accurately, the third Ali- Frazier "Thriller in Manila" bout in 1975)

5. Concerning the Rise of Sarah Palin:

And from the frozen North land
Comes a maiden fair and noble in deed
Both loved and hated in part
A gadfly to the fair but vile Behar.

(Nostradamus, if he were alive today, besides being well over 400 years old, would probably be non-plussed by Mrs. Behar's obsessive animus towards the Alaska governor)

6. Concerning the Fascinating Rise of the Twitter Phenomenon:

Arises then a world message place
Which standeth for all thoughts
From the minds of ones who state:
"I possesseth a boil here on my arse; prithee thine reaction?"

(Nostradamus came from an age when paper and parchments were costly
and the printed word was not cheap-hence the sarcasm.)

7. Concerning the Superiority in Pulchitrude of the Pre-1970's Actresses to the
Post-1970's Actresses:

In the Berry ('Holly'?-ed.)Wood early time,
Damsels fair and fleshly reign
But giving way to thin gaunt and almost,
Manly sorts to much disdain.

(Of course Nostradamus could not have foreseen the many exceptions to the overall
rule, but it still applies (see Kim Novak (pictured) also Tuesday Weld-last post-irony of ironies!)

8. Concerning the Superiority of the 1980's Celtics-Lakers Rivalries to the Current One:

In the time of Ronalde Gipp (Reagan?-ed)
The Great Bird and Magick strode
On hard floors of woods and pine
Not to be equalled henceforth.

(Nostradamus has another quatrain in which he foresees the abortive comeback of
Michael Jordan, post 1998)

9. Concerning the Nature of "Hannity's America":

So the loquacious Hibernian spoke
And spoke and spoke and spoke
On topics much agreed well, but
To talketh himself into the grounde and mill.

(Well, I sort of agree with old Nostradamus on this one. Sean Hannity makes a lot of sense and I personally agree with most of his conservative positions, but he loses his audience when he runs an issue 'into the grounde and mill' as it were.)

10. Concerning the Rise of the 'Nostradamus Industry':

Things foreseen and things to come
Can apply to any thing or nothing at all,
And old Barnum of P.T.'s fame has said:
'A sucker every sixty seconde is born."

(And with that, I shall be as old Meyer Wolfsheim in 'The Great Gatsby' and say that I will leave the young men to discuss their sports and young women, but as for me, I belong to a different generation, therefore, I bid you all Adieu!)

Random Ramblings

1. Most drivers, when delayed in serious traffic or stranded in a snowstorm, have a series of 'back up' plans to get them through the crisis, i.e. a book on tape (or DVD) by the latest novelist or self-help guru. I have read that some drivers work (or play) on the internet on their IPhones or even play solitaire to pass the time.

I'm a bit different in the sense that whenever I am stranded anywhere, run out of gas, or even am delayed by a mild traffic jam, I simply abandon my vehicle.

2. I enjoyed watching the Winter Olympics although I have never really participated in any of the sports involved. Everyone remembers where they were when they heard Al Michaels intone his famous "Do you believe in miracles?" with 5 seconds to go in the USA hockey team's upset of the USSR in 1980. That phrase worked wonders once, and only once, but it should not be used again, and particularly for 'minor' sporting events and inconsequential plays. For instance, CNBC announcer Paulus Harman throroughly embarrassed himself when he blared it three times during the Slovenia-Slovakia curling match in the preliminary rounds.

3. One of the most dangerous days of traffic in US history occurred a few years ago back on December 28, 2006 two days after the death of former US president Gerald Ford. The reason for the high death rate was that people (justly) showed their respect and paid their appropriate tribute to the late president by driving down the middle of the road in Ford's honor.

4. I've often wondered what the accepted community standard is for how much time should elapse between a person's demise and the discontinuance of the modifier "late" preceding their name. For instance, you would appropriately speak of the "late" Ted Kennedy since he died only last year (2009) but not the "late" John F. Kennedy since it has been 47 years since his assassination. Likewise, it is the "late" Michael Jackson but not the "late" William McKinley.

I do believe that the accepted standard seems to be somewhere between 3 and 5 years, unless I'm wrong and then I'll recant.

5. One of the most exciting books I ever read (many years ago) was Louis L'Amour's "The Sackett Brand" in which the good guy, after much struggle and chase, finally shot and killed the bad guy in the last chapter, near the last page. As a matter of fact in "Comstock Lode" (by L'Amour) the bad guy gets his "comeuppance" in the form of a fatal angry gunning down by the good guy on the very last page of a 400+ page book! Now that's excitement, tension, build-up and climax!

I'd like to write an ultraviolent historically complex western about 1000+ pages long and not have the bad guy get killed until the endnotes in the very back of the book. (or maybe the back cover for that matter) One 'avant garde' French novelist has the main antagonist killed off in the table of contents. One more reason to distrust modern French literature.

6. Did former Chicago Cubs infielder Ernie Banks ever actually say the phrase "Let's play two?" This smacks of an 'urban legend' since it is hard to believe that anybody would ever utter such a series of vocables into the air. It's simply hard to believe that Banks (or anyone else) would have ever said such a thing at any time....ever.

7. One of the great discoveries of all time was when Dr. Jonas Salk discovered the penicillin which had been sitting in the pantry behind the canned goods.

8. These kids today who enjoy their cornbread and biscuits free of vermin don't remember what it was like back in the old days when rats ran at will in the town flour supply. Also to them, the phrase 'rat salad' is a 'gross' absurdity, not a concrete reality to be taken with a grain of not-so-metaphorical salt.

Once again, these are the good old days!

9. My first encounter with Tuesday Weld occurred in "New Frontier", a Donald Fagen song from his great solo album, "The Nightfly". My second encounter with Tuesday Weld was in a vintage 'Ozzie and Harriet' episode in which Miss Weld played the part of a girl who sort of 'toyed' with the younger Nelson boy's affections until she accidentally damaged the fender of the older Nelson boy's car and begged him not to tell her father since she had been driving his car. Younger Nelson got even with Miss Weld by making her lug his heavy books around school and dictate his class notes for him for several weeks.

If the foregoing plot reminds you in any way of an old Lewis Grizzard joke involving a bar patron and a woman of somewhat loose morals, and containing the punch line, "Paint my house", don't blame me. Blame society itself.

10. The great Boston comic Steven Wright was known to have purchased a product marketed as "Instant Water" at the local grocery store but found it well-nigh impossible to properly use said product once purchased, since he confessed a complete mental conundrum as to what substance should be used in successful combination therewith. Mr. Wright had also purchased a package of batteries at a local store and once he opened the batteries having returned to his residence, he found to his chagrin that they were not included in the original packaging!

Mr. Wright has further related his foolish acquisition of a map of these United States which turned out to be, unfortunately, 'actual size.' One mile was equal to one mile on the map scale. Consequently, Wright relates that he was forced to spend the entirety of a summer (4 months total) simply folding the darned thing so it would fit into the glove compartment of his vehicle!