Who Dat?

On the eve-eve of 'Supah Bowl Foity-Foah', I can't resist 'da temptation' to pay a little tribute to de Crescent City and da team dats gonna beat dem Colts. So heah's a little Top 10 list of da best things about New Orleans and about da team dat Archie built.

1. The very best book written on the richness and infinite variety of the New Orleans restaurant scene remains Richard Collin's "The New Orleans Underground Gourmet" published in 1975. Besides justly famous and long standing places such as Brennan's, Antoine's, Galatoire's, etc., Collin reviewed many defunct hole-in-the-walls. Although his description of the Paul Gross Chicken Coop stands out in the original edition as being the "foulest smelling restaurant in the city," Collin returned to this restaurant and gave it a much more favorable review. Mr. Collin died recently (Jan. 19, 2010) at age 78.

2. Although I don't dare to venture a prediction as to the actual score of the game, I do predict one thing: if the Saints win (as I most certainly hope that they do), I predict that there is a 100% certainty that there will be no school, no trash pick-up and no city services at all for Monday, Tuesday and most of Wednesday.

3. Speaking of game predictions, I'm tired of hearing about "Manning vs. Brees". Both are great quarterbacks, but obviously the correct matchup description is Manning vs. the Saints defense and Brees vs. the Colts defense. Manning is probably a better pure passer and very possibly the eventual greatest QB to play once he retires, but the Saints have Reggie Bush, the difference maker (if he can hang onto the football).

4. The Big Easy has certainly made significant progress since Katrina. Speaking of predictions (in general), it seems that Nostradamus made a prediction about Hurricane Katrina over 500 years before it happened. Just listen to this passage from Book VI, Quatrain 22:

"And out of the South a wind
comes up and terrifies upon the
Crescent (!) towne forcing both
Those to the dome and to Morial."

Now, that's just plain eerie, or so I think!

5. But as I said before, New Orleans has (partially) recovered although the ubiquitous beer stands on Bourbon Street which, in the late great 80's, proudly sold large 20 oz. plastic cups of Dixie draft have all but disappeared.

There's always a price to pay for progress.

6. The novelist Walker Percy gave an all too accurate and pithy summary of the problem of New Orleans political corruption when he described it as being performed with both "Catholic gaiety and Protestant industry." Percy also famously described Plaquemines Parish as being like "Neshoba County run by Trujillo".

Hey, we ain't here to talk about Plaquemines Parish! Get back to da main issue, ya fat old andouille!

7. I don't know if there are many more "K & B Drugstores" still surviving, but I remember the presence of the purple and gold signs which provided some measure of reassurance (as well as Bufferin and Bayer) to many a partygoer. I believe that K & B has been replaced by CVS and Walgreens, as everywhere else. Likewise, the days of Falstaff, Jax, and Schlitz, all sold freely by the cup, have been replaced by Abita Springs, as good as it admittedly is.

Again...the progress thing.....

8. As a cruel practical joke, there was a tourist book for New Orleans published a few years ago which praised Mid City, Treme, and the area north of Rampart Street as the 'best places to aimlessly daydream and just take in the sights'.

Scores of out-of-towners followed that innocuous advice and.....paid the ultimate sacrifice. Let us observe a moment of silence for our fallen heroes.

9. It seems sometimes that everyone from New Orleans has got an "Uncle Alphonse" and an "Aunt Louisa", both of whom have listened faithfully to WWL AM 870 for years now and call into the afternoon radio show to complain about the parking at Gov. Nicholls and Barracks down at the riverfront.

10. Finally, a musical tribute to the Crescent City, courtesy of Benny Grunch and the bunch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxNaY0WZ-18

Go Saints, and I'll check dis postin on Monday, over and out.

Still More Random Thoughts.

Here are a list of 10 more 'random thoughts' Sowell-style, none of which can be adequately explained or correctly interpreted: only savored and enjoyed.

1. The old wives' tale, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away", is very true indeed, and has been proven equally true in the aggregate. For example, 4 apples a day seems to keep 3 doctors away, and 250 apples a year will keep at a comfortable distance, 100-150 physicians on an annual basis. And as could be expected, there are currently no medical practitioners to be found anywhere in the apple-producing counties of eastern Washington state.

Ain't that grand?

2. Some people bemoan the ubiquitous telemarketer who seems to call every single evening during suppertime with a solicitation, often in direct violation of the current FCC 'no call lists.' For my money though, I'll take a modern telemarketer any day over the old style door to door salesman who used to show up uninvited every few weeks ringing your door bell at suppertime. If you cracked the door too far, they would inevitably insert the old "shoe on a stick" into the doorspace thereby preventing closure and insuring entry into your house. You would then always end up buying a Fuller brush which you didn't want, and a set of encyclopedias which you didn't need.

Not only that, but they usually ate up all of your supper as well.

I don't know about you, but I'll take these modern 'telemarketers' any old day!

3. Dr. Vivian Miholo is a professor of Zen who lost one of his arms in a tragic sawmill accident back in 1977. He became a traveling orator, giving rousing speeches resulting in standing ovations at sold out Zen conventions. Dr. Miholo will tell all who listens that he has found that he doesn't need two hands anyway.

Applause, Applause!

4. I'll never forget the "Foxfire" wisdom of old Jasper McWhiney. Once, when asked what is the difference between a 'creek', a 'stream', and a 'brook', old Jasper McWhiney answered thusly:

"The difernce (sic) betwixt a crick, stream and brook is whut (sic) I'll tell ye: A crick is a great big ol' stream. A stream is a little bitty ol' crick. A brook ain't no part of nuthin'!"

Friends, it's hard to argue with that!

5. Speaking of old Jasper McWhiney, he always believed (as I do) that one of the most despicable 'prayers' which could be offered was the 'prayer' which went as follows: "Use me, O Lord.....preferably in an advisory capacity." This always sickened old Jasper, and he used to always say, when speaking of this so-called 'prayer': "There ain't no one who'll bust hell wide open as much as these here what say this type of tommy-rot and jes' plain old nonsense."

Again, hard to argue with that.

6. It has been proven time and time again, that the "Golden Rule" applies to all people everywhere with the exception of masochists. The Golden Rule never applies for masochists.

7. I once heard a very funny old Soviet joke which had been circulating since the 1950's. It began with Khrushchev, Boris Pasternak, and an Orthodox patriarch walking into a bar after Stalin's funeral. I don't remember the 'meat' of the joke, but I well remember the punchline: "Hey, that was no Five Year Plan, that was my wife!"

I sure wish I could remember the rest of it.

8. Speaking of comedy, during impromptu speeches, President William McKinley used to warm up his audiences with tasteless ethnic jokes, usually at the expense of people of southern and eastern European extraction, with names such as D'Antonio, Wojoleski, and Czolgosz. Especially names like Czolgosz.

9. Speaking of assassins, legendary Pittsburgh Steeler coach Chuck Noll once accused Oakland Raiders defensive back George Atkinson of being part of a 'criminal element' after old No. 43 knocked out Steeler wide receiver Lynn Swann with a forearm to the head.

Steelers-Raiders. Jack Tatum. Jack Lambert. Mean Joe Greene and Kenny Stabler. Was there ever a better NFL rivalry in the so called 'golden age of the NFL'?

10. Finally, speaking of Japanese restaurants, part of their universal appeal seems to be the aesthetic quality of the food as prepared and the way that it is placed on the plate in perfect harmonious order. A 'feng shui' sense of balance and proportion renders even the most inexpensive dining venture at a Japanese establishment, the most delightful of culinary events for this very reason.

But should you actually order the 'bird's nest' soup?

Well, I'd say go ahead and try it out. You only live twice.

Random Yuletide Thoughts

Again, in the same vein as the previous posting, here are a few more random thoughts concerning Yuletide.

1. I have noticed a marked difference between the kinds of Christmas cards that my English friends send and the ones which my American friends send. (My family lived in the UK back in 1980 and I still receive cards from them almost 30 yrs. later.) For example, the British ones are almost without exception, printed by small craft guilds which specialize in things like fighting poverty in Africa, providing flood relief for the tsunami victims in Indonesia, sustainable development for poor countries, Oxfam, World Mission, etc. etc.. The people who send such cards relate in painstaking detail their past year taking eco-vactions in South America, shearing sheep in New Zealand, and helping to evangelize Muslims in London or Marseilles. There is usually a quote from Corrie Ten Boom or John Stott, and a photo of a foreign locale.

The Christmas cards from my American friends either consists of a picture of the entire extended family at the recent July family reunion taken at Gulf Shores where they all enjoyed a giant crawfish boil, or a photoshopped picture of Alabama football coach Nick Saban wearing a Santa hat.

Different cultures, I guess.

2. One of my favorite Christmas memories involve pulling out the old 33 1/3 record albums with "all the stars" singing their Christmas favorites. These stars included Burl Ives, Theodore Bikel, Jim Nabors, and Steve and Eydie Gorme. The records were usually given away for free with a fill-up at the local Gulf station.

3. On Christmas eve and into Christmas day, I noticed that one of the national cable TV channels was running Jean Shepherd's annual classic, "A Christmas Story" ('you'll shoot your eye out', etc.) continuously. Although an enjoyable movie, this idea is just about as bad as the local Miami radio station which played Glenn Frey's "Smuggler's Blues" continously for one whole day (or for the better part of a day) back in the 1980's.

Sometimes, too much of a good thing is exactly that.

4. Here is the authentic recipe for stuffed roast pig, a 15th century English favorite at Christmas, as taken from www.godecookery.com.

Pygge y-farsyd (Roast Pig)

PERIOD: England, 15th century | SOURCE: Harleian MS 279 | CLASS: Authentic
DESCRIPTION: Stuffed roasted pig
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ORIGINAL RECEIPT:
.xxxiij. Pygge y-farsyd. Take raw Eyroun, & draw hem þorw a straynoure; þan grate fayre brede; take Safroun & Salt, & pouder of Pepir, & Swet of a schepe, & melle alle to-gederys in a fayre bolle; þen broche þin Pygge; þen farce hym, & sewe þe hole, & lat hym roste; & þan serue forth.

- Austin, Thomas. Two Fifteenth-Century Cookery-Books. Harleian MS. 279 & Harl. MS. 4016, with extracts from Ashmole MS. 1429, Laud MS. 553, & Douce MS 55. London: for The Early English Text Society by N. Trübner & Co., 1888.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

GODE COOKERY TRANSLATION:

Stuffed Pig. Take raw eggs, and pass them through a strainer; then grate good bread; take Saffron & Salt, & powder of Pepper, & Suet of a sheep, & mix all together in a good bowl; then put the Pig on a spit; then stuff him, & sew the hole (shut), & let him roast; & then serve forth.

They don't do 'em like that anymore!

5. I always remember the annual Perry Como Christmas Special in which he would sing holiday standards whilst lying in his bed, with the covers pulled up. Needless to say, it was a bit soporific, and I usually turned the channel to Mannix instead.

6. Although they have since been banned as constituting a severe fire hazard, I always enjoyed the large yellow, green, orange, pink, red and blue lights which were wrapped around the Christmas tree. They were replaced with the small non-flammatory plastic type lights, which are admittedly safer, but much less satisfying.

7. Whenever I go to Wal-Mart, Target or any other fine retail establishment, I fully expect every employee there to wish me a "merry Christmas" and usually become extremely angry when that fails to materialize.

Our once proud country will never become great again until the lowly workers once more say "merry Christmas" at the cash register after ringing up the sale.

8. Most Christmas pilots for TV shows were very successful and set the tone for the upcoming weekly show, i.e., The Walton's Homecoming Christmas special and the pilot for Kojak, "Yule's Gambit." (Yul Brynner played the original Kojak in the pilot, later replaced by Telly Savalas; just as Patricia Neal played the original Mrs. Walton, replaced by Michael Learned for the regular series.)

However, a notable failure in this regard was "Elf Cola" starring the irrepressible Billy Barty. The Christmas special was excellent, resulting in an early 70's novelty song holiday hit of the same title, but the weekly show failed miserably and is now regarded as the absolute nadir of television viewing.

9. Speaking of The Walton's Homecoming Christmas special, do you remember that famous scene where Mrs. Walton (Patricia Neal) could not stand the fact that John-Boy (Richard Thomas) constantly retreated to his room, and so forced the issue in order to discover his multitude of diaries in which he wondered aloud of the nature of the "ocean" and whether he would ever get to see an ocean? etc..

Mrs. Walton (Neal) then shamefacedly growled out "John-Boy, I do vow!" And so her morbid curiousity was sated....for a season.

10. I also remember the old Jackson (MS) radio personality, Farmer Jim Neal, on WSLI, who used to play novelty songs at Christmas time, most notably, the irresistable "Jingle Bell Dogs". Even at a relatively early age, I knew that the dogs were not actually barking in musical unison, and the whole thing was most likely effected through overdubs and taping effects, but I always suspended my disbelief, if only for a short time, and yielded my soul to the wonder of a group of dogs belting out a truly American classic.

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Random Thoughts and Historical Occurrences (ala Thomas Sowell and Larry King)

Every so often, political and cultural columnist Thomas Sowell will publish an article entitled "Random Thoughts", in which he states in snippet form, a random assortment of things which occurred to him recently. Since I've had writers block for awhile, I decided to imitate Sowell (such as I can) in the same manner, as well as the old Larry King sports column often expressed in selfsame fashion. So here are a few random thoughts with relation to the historical past. (The Piggly Wiggly logo relates to the 'small town grocery store' post-#3)

1. Although many decry the occasional outbreak of violence and 'thuggery' in modern pro sports (etc., NBA, NFL, hockey, etc.), a cursory glance at history will show that spectator sports nowadays resemble a church picnic compared to some of the spectacles of yesteryear. For example, Ty Cobb of the old Detroit Tigers in the early 1900's, would be arrested in put in prison if he played today and did the same things he did then (beating and kicking a handicapped heckler unconcscious, etc. etc.), and you took your life in your hands if you attended a Giants-Cubs match in 1904.

2. Speaking of the American pastime, what are the chances that Lou Gehrig should contact, of all things, Lou Gehrig's disease? (Also, isn't it strange that Cy Young, by all accounts, the greatest hurler of them all, never once won the Cy Young award!)

3. Although I confess to shopping at Wal-Mart for convenience and quantity pricing, I miss the 'small town' grocery store which is slowly being squeezed out of the picture. Good old local chains like Piggly Wiggly, Sunflower, et al, used to represent the heart and soul of the town. I worked at a Piggly Wiggly in high school many years ago, and remember vividly the colorful characters about whom "anecdotes clustered like barnacles" (to quote Eugene Peterson) who were regular customers such as Chew Brown, the elderly African American purveyor of "mule tobacco" and P.T. Barnum, the cigar smoking dispenser of wisdom and procurer of Manteca lard and Jax beer.

4. I remember reading of the sad case of a Baptist pastor in Texas who was divested from his pulpit and thrown out of his church after he was caught "giving the devil his due." Well, there but for the grace of God, go all of us, I guess......

5. I've got a crazy idea, but it just might work.

6. President Obama did not deserve to win the Nobel Peace Prize, although he gave a fairly good speech in Oslo. It was much better than his speech at West Point.

7. I'm very glad that Mark Ingram of Alabama won the 2009 Heisman Trophy. He deserved it, although Colt McCoy of Texas has the best name, by far. (My favorite all time name is "Angelo Dundee", the former trainer for Muhammed Ali.)

8. The New Orleans Saints are now 13-0 having defeated Atlanta. I remember the old time "Aints" and poor Archie Manning spending every game running for his life. Besides Tom Dempsey kicking his 63 yard game winning field goal in 1970, the Saints possessed very few memories in their first 30 years worth putting onto the highlight reel. (Yes, I remember Chuck Muncie and Ricky Jackson)

9. Speaking of the Superdome (relatively speaking), I have a "good news-bad news" story: The bad news is that I had to spend Hurricane Katrina inside the Superdome amidst the filth, heat and squalor. The good news is that I had seats right on the 50 yard line for the entire time.

10. According to Teddy White, then candidate for President, Ronald Reagan, at the 1980 New Hampshire/Nashua debate in which he grabbed the microphone after the moderator John Breen threatened to shut it off, referred to Mr. Breen as "Mr. Green." I myself, had always thought it was "Green" also, so I feel better as I am in good company!

El Paseo- Great New Mexican Restaurant!

The next time you are passing through Greenville, you definitely need to stop in and eat at El Paseo's Mexican Restaurant. They have an incredible menu in which the entrees are all numbered from 1 to 10. Due to the incredible diversity of the items offered, it's hard to make a choice, but all are quite good:

1. One taco, one burrito, one chile relleno, two enchiladas.
2. Two tacos, two burritos, one enchilada.
3. One enchilado, two tacos, one chile relleno, two burritos.
4. One taco, two tacos, one burrito, one enchilada, one more burrito.
5. Two tacos, two enchiladas, one chile relleno, one burrito.
6. One enchiladas, one more enchilada, two burritos, one taco, one more taco.
7. One burrito, two chile rellenos, two burritos, one enchilada.
8. Two burritos, one taco, one taco, one taco, one chile relleno.
9. One burrito, one taco, one burrito, one chile relleno, one enchilada, one taco.
10. Two enchiladas, one taco, one burrito, one chile relleno.

I usually tend to order #4, but #3 and #8 are good when I feel like a complete change of pace.

C.L. Jolley's Booklist

I ran across a distribution booklist issued back in 1999 by C.L. Jolley, the cantankerous old hard core conservative essayist, theorist, and 'jack of all trades'. I actually met Mr. Jolley once and while impressed by his breadth of knowledge and erudition on all things political and cultural, I was offended by his boorishness and absolute lack of tact in personal matters. Here it is unedited:


Friends, here's a little foward from one of the few decent 100% American political and religious organizations out there. They take all credit cards and don't take American Express.---C.L. Jolley

This is a little catalog of a few of our titles--browse and see if theres anything you woud like to order, if so, then send a SASE to the below addresss. SHIPPING NOT INCLUDED IN LIST. ORDER AT OWN RISK.

1. "Satan's Castle--The United Nations"-- by Woody W.T. Gorman-- The TRUE expose of the United Nations and how this sorry state of affairs came about. $19.95

2. "The McCainspiracy"-- by H.L. "Hall" Hallwell-- Just in time for the presidential election. Proves without a shadow of a doubt that Sen. John McCain is a communist agent. $24.99

3. "The Federalist Papers"-- Read them for yourselves. $44.99

4. "Proposition 256--H**** No!"-- Political tract written to protest passage of the controversial proposition on the Arizona ballot about 20 years ago regarding a flagrant violation of our divinely given rights and liberties. $5.99

5. "25 Unrefutable Reasons and Proofs That John Bransford Went to Hell and So Remains There Today."-- by Edward R. Rosser. Dr. Rosser is no slouch and no lightweight and this monumental work written back in 1977 on the religious apostate and political traitor ex-Congressman John Bransford has never been refuted. $9.99

6. "A Just Defense of the Blood Oaths and the Blood Sports"--by Dr. U.L. Lydell. This controversial masterpiece is sure to raise some eyebrows and cause more than a little debate, but DO NOT JUDGE Dr. Lydell until you have read this yourself. Dr. Lydell is a brilliant rhetorician and those who have debated him have been torn to pieces. $14.99 (special bound photocopy edition: $23.99)

7. "30 More Reasons That John Bransford Is Now in Hell." by Dr. Edward R. Rosser. Uncomfortable reading to be sure, but Dr. Rosser has never been refuted and his logic is unassailable. $13.99

8. "Strength Through Superior Firepower", by G.L. Long. The alltime classic. Separates the hawks from the doves and the gainsayers from the naysayers. $12.99

9. "The Art and Necessity of Well Presentation" by Reed Mallasek. Mr. Mallasek is a top salesman and pitchman and will show you how to present yourself as a winner. $22.99

10. "An Index of Indices" by Gainey Rooney. Dr. Rooney has complied an index of all other indexes that are found in the realm of anti-United Nations and anti-World Bank literature. And theres a lot out there. $39.99

REMEMBER--ALL PROFITS FROM RIGHTGUARD APPROACHES GO TO THE FUNDING OF THE ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION OF THE NEW WORLD ORDER, THE BRINGING DOWN OF ALAN GREENSPAN AND GEORGE BUSH, AND THE FUTURE ANTI-JOHN BRANSFORD MEMORIAL IN SPRING CITY, MARYLAND.

Friends, I believe I'd order from them while there's still time! ----C.L. Jolley

Alabama Attorney Announcments (for Feb. 2009)

ALABAMA ATTORNEY ANNOUNCEMENTS--

The firm of Jones, Starbuckle, Harwell, & Pogue, LLC, Huntsville, has formally changed its' name to Jones, Starbuckle, & Pogue, LLC due to Harwell's carelessness.

Billy McGrealy And His Gashouse Gang has changed its' name to a more appropriate title in fitting with its' estate planning and corporate reorganization practice: McGrealy, Patterson, Rennett, Grimes & Cook, L.L.M. The address will continue to be 21st Ave. and Waterbrook, Birmingham.

H.L. Polk & Associates located at 101 East St., Decatur, have announced that they will no longer honor any of the personal checks of James C. Greer or anyone else associated with the Greer family.

CORRECTION-- The firm of Reavis, Lake and Hyatt, P.C., Hoover, mistakenly included the name of Daniel R. Baxton, 223 Oak Drive, Hoover, as one of the new associates joining the firm. Mr. Baxton's name was actually dropped from the running early on and was never henceforth considered again. The firm sorely regrets any inconvenience this may have caused to the wonderful readers of this fine publication. (Ed. reminder--There is NO Daniel R. Baxton at this firm and he most likely is at no other firm either as who would have him...)

Compton, Gillis & and Hiroshima, P.A., Dothan, are pleased to announce that Senator Robert Hawkins (Dem, Dist.44) has become associated with the firm and will replace five junior associates as yet to be named beginning next Monday, February 9. Maybe even 7 or 8.

The Morgan County Legal Clinic, Decatur, is pleased to announce that Davida Symons-Huiomong Ryan Lynne Parker-Guiterrez Bowers-Coffin Barnhill will be leaving the firm to assume her duties as an official fulltime delegate to the World Council of Churches. Ms. Davida Symons-Huiomong Ryan Lynne Parker-Guiterrez Bowers-Coffin Barnhill will be heading the World Justice, Racism, Homophobia and Tolerance Task Force.

The Offices of M. L. Farrington, Wetumpka, proudly announce that the unfortunate Nevis T. Cabell has been totally DISASSOCIATED with the firm and EXCOMMUNICATED from their presence.


DISBARMENTS--

R.T. Gooch, Anniston, was DISBARRED WITH PREJUDICE on January 20, 2009 for "confusion between negative commission and positive omission" and the inability to distinguish between the two.

J.L."Straight 98" Christmas of the Thomas House Firm, Demopolis, was DISBARRED WITH ALL DELIBERATE SPEED for "the undue undoing of that which was duly due to be done." POSSIBLE REINSTATEMENT is certainly not probable.

Ortley L. "Lang" Langford of Langley, Ortford, Langford, Ortley, Langfort & Ortfort, P.A., Sylacauga, was DISBARRED UTTERLY AND FINALLY for playing it too close to the vest and rubbing both sides of the same coin. (Special thanks to firm partners Ortford Langley and Langford "Ort" Ortley for reportage)

Brooks "Assassin" Tunney of The Law Haw Project was DISBARRED WITHOUT RECOURSE for "things yet undone which were foreseen as soon to be done" by Tunney and these were things richly deserving of DISBARMENT.


-------JOB ANNOUNCEMENTS-----

The Cooksey Law Palace, Tuscaloosa, is looking for an attorney with 4-8 experience in Toxic Tort Litigation to fill a position immediately. The successful candidate will be able to "take the ball and run roughshod over Judge Hunt with it."


The Honorable Judge James J. Hunt, District 3, is looking for a clerk. Requirements: GPA, Law Review, a strong stomach and an iron will.


The Prichard Public Defenders Office is looking for an immediate opening in the Crackhouse-and-Murder Division. The successful candidate will "hit the ground running." Special vehicle provided. Must provide names of next-of-kin.

The Whiteshoe firm of McKnight, Horts, & Doolittle, Mobile, proudly announce an opening in the Meals and Lodging Business Deduction Division of their Tax Section. This is a GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY for the successful candidate, but the successful candidate WILL be in the top 5 % of their Law School class, WILL be a member of Law Review, and WILL be able to "sucessfully provide the most powerful clientele in America with the Meals and Lodging Deductions that our clients deserve" through a skillful handling of I.R.S. Sec. 45 and Letter Rulings 45-299 and 312." The successful candidate WILL also have the world as their oyster.


-----That's all for this month-----------------------------------