Random Yuletide Thoughts

Again, in the same vein as the previous posting, here are a few more random thoughts concerning Yuletide.

1. I have noticed a marked difference between the kinds of Christmas cards that my English friends send and the ones which my American friends send. (My family lived in the UK back in 1980 and I still receive cards from them almost 30 yrs. later.) For example, the British ones are almost without exception, printed by small craft guilds which specialize in things like fighting poverty in Africa, providing flood relief for the tsunami victims in Indonesia, sustainable development for poor countries, Oxfam, World Mission, etc. etc.. The people who send such cards relate in painstaking detail their past year taking eco-vactions in South America, shearing sheep in New Zealand, and helping to evangelize Muslims in London or Marseilles. There is usually a quote from Corrie Ten Boom or John Stott, and a photo of a foreign locale.

The Christmas cards from my American friends either consists of a picture of the entire extended family at the recent July family reunion taken at Gulf Shores where they all enjoyed a giant crawfish boil, or a photoshopped picture of Alabama football coach Nick Saban wearing a Santa hat.

Different cultures, I guess.

2. One of my favorite Christmas memories involve pulling out the old 33 1/3 record albums with "all the stars" singing their Christmas favorites. These stars included Burl Ives, Theodore Bikel, Jim Nabors, and Steve and Eydie Gorme. The records were usually given away for free with a fill-up at the local Gulf station.

3. On Christmas eve and into Christmas day, I noticed that one of the national cable TV channels was running Jean Shepherd's annual classic, "A Christmas Story" ('you'll shoot your eye out', etc.) continuously. Although an enjoyable movie, this idea is just about as bad as the local Miami radio station which played Glenn Frey's "Smuggler's Blues" continously for one whole day (or for the better part of a day) back in the 1980's.

Sometimes, too much of a good thing is exactly that.

4. Here is the authentic recipe for stuffed roast pig, a 15th century English favorite at Christmas, as taken from www.godecookery.com.

Pygge y-farsyd (Roast Pig)

PERIOD: England, 15th century | SOURCE: Harleian MS 279 | CLASS: Authentic
DESCRIPTION: Stuffed roasted pig
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ORIGINAL RECEIPT:
.xxxiij. Pygge y-farsyd. Take raw Eyroun, & draw hem þorw a straynoure; þan grate fayre brede; take Safroun & Salt, & pouder of Pepir, & Swet of a schepe, & melle alle to-gederys in a fayre bolle; þen broche þin Pygge; þen farce hym, & sewe þe hole, & lat hym roste; & þan serue forth.

- Austin, Thomas. Two Fifteenth-Century Cookery-Books. Harleian MS. 279 & Harl. MS. 4016, with extracts from Ashmole MS. 1429, Laud MS. 553, & Douce MS 55. London: for The Early English Text Society by N. Trübner & Co., 1888.
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GODE COOKERY TRANSLATION:

Stuffed Pig. Take raw eggs, and pass them through a strainer; then grate good bread; take Saffron & Salt, & powder of Pepper, & Suet of a sheep, & mix all together in a good bowl; then put the Pig on a spit; then stuff him, & sew the hole (shut), & let him roast; & then serve forth.

They don't do 'em like that anymore!

5. I always remember the annual Perry Como Christmas Special in which he would sing holiday standards whilst lying in his bed, with the covers pulled up. Needless to say, it was a bit soporific, and I usually turned the channel to Mannix instead.

6. Although they have since been banned as constituting a severe fire hazard, I always enjoyed the large yellow, green, orange, pink, red and blue lights which were wrapped around the Christmas tree. They were replaced with the small non-flammatory plastic type lights, which are admittedly safer, but much less satisfying.

7. Whenever I go to Wal-Mart, Target or any other fine retail establishment, I fully expect every employee there to wish me a "merry Christmas" and usually become extremely angry when that fails to materialize.

Our once proud country will never become great again until the lowly workers once more say "merry Christmas" at the cash register after ringing up the sale.

8. Most Christmas pilots for TV shows were very successful and set the tone for the upcoming weekly show, i.e., The Walton's Homecoming Christmas special and the pilot for Kojak, "Yule's Gambit." (Yul Brynner played the original Kojak in the pilot, later replaced by Telly Savalas; just as Patricia Neal played the original Mrs. Walton, replaced by Michael Learned for the regular series.)

However, a notable failure in this regard was "Elf Cola" starring the irrepressible Billy Barty. The Christmas special was excellent, resulting in an early 70's novelty song holiday hit of the same title, but the weekly show failed miserably and is now regarded as the absolute nadir of television viewing.

9. Speaking of The Walton's Homecoming Christmas special, do you remember that famous scene where Mrs. Walton (Patricia Neal) could not stand the fact that John-Boy (Richard Thomas) constantly retreated to his room, and so forced the issue in order to discover his multitude of diaries in which he wondered aloud of the nature of the "ocean" and whether he would ever get to see an ocean? etc..

Mrs. Walton (Neal) then shamefacedly growled out "John-Boy, I do vow!" And so her morbid curiousity was sated....for a season.

10. I also remember the old Jackson (MS) radio personality, Farmer Jim Neal, on WSLI, who used to play novelty songs at Christmas time, most notably, the irresistable "Jingle Bell Dogs". Even at a relatively early age, I knew that the dogs were not actually barking in musical unison, and the whole thing was most likely effected through overdubs and taping effects, but I always suspended my disbelief, if only for a short time, and yielded my soul to the wonder of a group of dogs belting out a truly American classic.

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Random Thoughts and Historical Occurrences (ala Thomas Sowell and Larry King)

Every so often, political and cultural columnist Thomas Sowell will publish an article entitled "Random Thoughts", in which he states in snippet form, a random assortment of things which occurred to him recently. Since I've had writers block for awhile, I decided to imitate Sowell (such as I can) in the same manner, as well as the old Larry King sports column often expressed in selfsame fashion. So here are a few random thoughts with relation to the historical past. (The Piggly Wiggly logo relates to the 'small town grocery store' post-#3)

1. Although many decry the occasional outbreak of violence and 'thuggery' in modern pro sports (etc., NBA, NFL, hockey, etc.), a cursory glance at history will show that spectator sports nowadays resemble a church picnic compared to some of the spectacles of yesteryear. For example, Ty Cobb of the old Detroit Tigers in the early 1900's, would be arrested in put in prison if he played today and did the same things he did then (beating and kicking a handicapped heckler unconcscious, etc. etc.), and you took your life in your hands if you attended a Giants-Cubs match in 1904.

2. Speaking of the American pastime, what are the chances that Lou Gehrig should contact, of all things, Lou Gehrig's disease? (Also, isn't it strange that Cy Young, by all accounts, the greatest hurler of them all, never once won the Cy Young award!)

3. Although I confess to shopping at Wal-Mart for convenience and quantity pricing, I miss the 'small town' grocery store which is slowly being squeezed out of the picture. Good old local chains like Piggly Wiggly, Sunflower, et al, used to represent the heart and soul of the town. I worked at a Piggly Wiggly in high school many years ago, and remember vividly the colorful characters about whom "anecdotes clustered like barnacles" (to quote Eugene Peterson) who were regular customers such as Chew Brown, the elderly African American purveyor of "mule tobacco" and P.T. Barnum, the cigar smoking dispenser of wisdom and procurer of Manteca lard and Jax beer.

4. I remember reading of the sad case of a Baptist pastor in Texas who was divested from his pulpit and thrown out of his church after he was caught "giving the devil his due." Well, there but for the grace of God, go all of us, I guess......

5. I've got a crazy idea, but it just might work.

6. President Obama did not deserve to win the Nobel Peace Prize, although he gave a fairly good speech in Oslo. It was much better than his speech at West Point.

7. I'm very glad that Mark Ingram of Alabama won the 2009 Heisman Trophy. He deserved it, although Colt McCoy of Texas has the best name, by far. (My favorite all time name is "Angelo Dundee", the former trainer for Muhammed Ali.)

8. The New Orleans Saints are now 13-0 having defeated Atlanta. I remember the old time "Aints" and poor Archie Manning spending every game running for his life. Besides Tom Dempsey kicking his 63 yard game winning field goal in 1970, the Saints possessed very few memories in their first 30 years worth putting onto the highlight reel. (Yes, I remember Chuck Muncie and Ricky Jackson)

9. Speaking of the Superdome (relatively speaking), I have a "good news-bad news" story: The bad news is that I had to spend Hurricane Katrina inside the Superdome amidst the filth, heat and squalor. The good news is that I had seats right on the 50 yard line for the entire time.

10. According to Teddy White, then candidate for President, Ronald Reagan, at the 1980 New Hampshire/Nashua debate in which he grabbed the microphone after the moderator John Breen threatened to shut it off, referred to Mr. Breen as "Mr. Green." I myself, had always thought it was "Green" also, so I feel better as I am in good company!

El Paseo- Great New Mexican Restaurant!

The next time you are passing through Greenville, you definitely need to stop in and eat at El Paseo's Mexican Restaurant. They have an incredible menu in which the entrees are all numbered from 1 to 10. Due to the incredible diversity of the items offered, it's hard to make a choice, but all are quite good:

1. One taco, one burrito, one chile relleno, two enchiladas.
2. Two tacos, two burritos, one enchilada.
3. One enchilado, two tacos, one chile relleno, two burritos.
4. One taco, two tacos, one burrito, one enchilada, one more burrito.
5. Two tacos, two enchiladas, one chile relleno, one burrito.
6. One enchiladas, one more enchilada, two burritos, one taco, one more taco.
7. One burrito, two chile rellenos, two burritos, one enchilada.
8. Two burritos, one taco, one taco, one taco, one chile relleno.
9. One burrito, one taco, one burrito, one chile relleno, one enchilada, one taco.
10. Two enchiladas, one taco, one burrito, one chile relleno.

I usually tend to order #4, but #3 and #8 are good when I feel like a complete change of pace.

C.L. Jolley's Booklist

I ran across a distribution booklist issued back in 1999 by C.L. Jolley, the cantankerous old hard core conservative essayist, theorist, and 'jack of all trades'. I actually met Mr. Jolley once and while impressed by his breadth of knowledge and erudition on all things political and cultural, I was offended by his boorishness and absolute lack of tact in personal matters. Here it is unedited:


Friends, here's a little foward from one of the few decent 100% American political and religious organizations out there. They take all credit cards and don't take American Express.---C.L. Jolley

This is a little catalog of a few of our titles--browse and see if theres anything you woud like to order, if so, then send a SASE to the below addresss. SHIPPING NOT INCLUDED IN LIST. ORDER AT OWN RISK.

1. "Satan's Castle--The United Nations"-- by Woody W.T. Gorman-- The TRUE expose of the United Nations and how this sorry state of affairs came about. $19.95

2. "The McCainspiracy"-- by H.L. "Hall" Hallwell-- Just in time for the presidential election. Proves without a shadow of a doubt that Sen. John McCain is a communist agent. $24.99

3. "The Federalist Papers"-- Read them for yourselves. $44.99

4. "Proposition 256--H**** No!"-- Political tract written to protest passage of the controversial proposition on the Arizona ballot about 20 years ago regarding a flagrant violation of our divinely given rights and liberties. $5.99

5. "25 Unrefutable Reasons and Proofs That John Bransford Went to Hell and So Remains There Today."-- by Edward R. Rosser. Dr. Rosser is no slouch and no lightweight and this monumental work written back in 1977 on the religious apostate and political traitor ex-Congressman John Bransford has never been refuted. $9.99

6. "A Just Defense of the Blood Oaths and the Blood Sports"--by Dr. U.L. Lydell. This controversial masterpiece is sure to raise some eyebrows and cause more than a little debate, but DO NOT JUDGE Dr. Lydell until you have read this yourself. Dr. Lydell is a brilliant rhetorician and those who have debated him have been torn to pieces. $14.99 (special bound photocopy edition: $23.99)

7. "30 More Reasons That John Bransford Is Now in Hell." by Dr. Edward R. Rosser. Uncomfortable reading to be sure, but Dr. Rosser has never been refuted and his logic is unassailable. $13.99

8. "Strength Through Superior Firepower", by G.L. Long. The alltime classic. Separates the hawks from the doves and the gainsayers from the naysayers. $12.99

9. "The Art and Necessity of Well Presentation" by Reed Mallasek. Mr. Mallasek is a top salesman and pitchman and will show you how to present yourself as a winner. $22.99

10. "An Index of Indices" by Gainey Rooney. Dr. Rooney has complied an index of all other indexes that are found in the realm of anti-United Nations and anti-World Bank literature. And theres a lot out there. $39.99

REMEMBER--ALL PROFITS FROM RIGHTGUARD APPROACHES GO TO THE FUNDING OF THE ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION OF THE NEW WORLD ORDER, THE BRINGING DOWN OF ALAN GREENSPAN AND GEORGE BUSH, AND THE FUTURE ANTI-JOHN BRANSFORD MEMORIAL IN SPRING CITY, MARYLAND.

Friends, I believe I'd order from them while there's still time! ----C.L. Jolley

Alabama Attorney Announcments (for Feb. 2009)

ALABAMA ATTORNEY ANNOUNCEMENTS--

The firm of Jones, Starbuckle, Harwell, & Pogue, LLC, Huntsville, has formally changed its' name to Jones, Starbuckle, & Pogue, LLC due to Harwell's carelessness.

Billy McGrealy And His Gashouse Gang has changed its' name to a more appropriate title in fitting with its' estate planning and corporate reorganization practice: McGrealy, Patterson, Rennett, Grimes & Cook, L.L.M. The address will continue to be 21st Ave. and Waterbrook, Birmingham.

H.L. Polk & Associates located at 101 East St., Decatur, have announced that they will no longer honor any of the personal checks of James C. Greer or anyone else associated with the Greer family.

CORRECTION-- The firm of Reavis, Lake and Hyatt, P.C., Hoover, mistakenly included the name of Daniel R. Baxton, 223 Oak Drive, Hoover, as one of the new associates joining the firm. Mr. Baxton's name was actually dropped from the running early on and was never henceforth considered again. The firm sorely regrets any inconvenience this may have caused to the wonderful readers of this fine publication. (Ed. reminder--There is NO Daniel R. Baxton at this firm and he most likely is at no other firm either as who would have him...)

Compton, Gillis & and Hiroshima, P.A., Dothan, are pleased to announce that Senator Robert Hawkins (Dem, Dist.44) has become associated with the firm and will replace five junior associates as yet to be named beginning next Monday, February 9. Maybe even 7 or 8.

The Morgan County Legal Clinic, Decatur, is pleased to announce that Davida Symons-Huiomong Ryan Lynne Parker-Guiterrez Bowers-Coffin Barnhill will be leaving the firm to assume her duties as an official fulltime delegate to the World Council of Churches. Ms. Davida Symons-Huiomong Ryan Lynne Parker-Guiterrez Bowers-Coffin Barnhill will be heading the World Justice, Racism, Homophobia and Tolerance Task Force.

The Offices of M. L. Farrington, Wetumpka, proudly announce that the unfortunate Nevis T. Cabell has been totally DISASSOCIATED with the firm and EXCOMMUNICATED from their presence.


DISBARMENTS--

R.T. Gooch, Anniston, was DISBARRED WITH PREJUDICE on January 20, 2009 for "confusion between negative commission and positive omission" and the inability to distinguish between the two.

J.L."Straight 98" Christmas of the Thomas House Firm, Demopolis, was DISBARRED WITH ALL DELIBERATE SPEED for "the undue undoing of that which was duly due to be done." POSSIBLE REINSTATEMENT is certainly not probable.

Ortley L. "Lang" Langford of Langley, Ortford, Langford, Ortley, Langfort & Ortfort, P.A., Sylacauga, was DISBARRED UTTERLY AND FINALLY for playing it too close to the vest and rubbing both sides of the same coin. (Special thanks to firm partners Ortford Langley and Langford "Ort" Ortley for reportage)

Brooks "Assassin" Tunney of The Law Haw Project was DISBARRED WITHOUT RECOURSE for "things yet undone which were foreseen as soon to be done" by Tunney and these were things richly deserving of DISBARMENT.


-------JOB ANNOUNCEMENTS-----

The Cooksey Law Palace, Tuscaloosa, is looking for an attorney with 4-8 experience in Toxic Tort Litigation to fill a position immediately. The successful candidate will be able to "take the ball and run roughshod over Judge Hunt with it."


The Honorable Judge James J. Hunt, District 3, is looking for a clerk. Requirements: GPA, Law Review, a strong stomach and an iron will.


The Prichard Public Defenders Office is looking for an immediate opening in the Crackhouse-and-Murder Division. The successful candidate will "hit the ground running." Special vehicle provided. Must provide names of next-of-kin.

The Whiteshoe firm of McKnight, Horts, & Doolittle, Mobile, proudly announce an opening in the Meals and Lodging Business Deduction Division of their Tax Section. This is a GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY for the successful candidate, but the successful candidate WILL be in the top 5 % of their Law School class, WILL be a member of Law Review, and WILL be able to "sucessfully provide the most powerful clientele in America with the Meals and Lodging Deductions that our clients deserve" through a skillful handling of I.R.S. Sec. 45 and Letter Rulings 45-299 and 312." The successful candidate WILL also have the world as their oyster.


-----That's all for this month-----------------------------------

Amazon.Com Book Reviews- 2009

Here is a list of Amazon's bestselling hardback books for January, 2009 with a short review of each.

1. The Idiot's Guide to Mental Retardation by Sargent Carl Grigsby and Dr. Van Allan.

This overview of the different degrees and variations of mental acumen and lack thereof surprised not a few as being one of the most incisive titles in the current "Idiot's Guide" series. For instance did you know that a moron is smarter than an imbecile, but not quite as bright as a mere dolt? Dr. Allan provides wonderful commentary and a helpful chart on the frontispiece which details this gradation in toto:

IQ Level: 500+ SuperGenius
400-500 Blockbuster
300-400 Einsteinian Superbuster
200-300 Genius In Brillante
185-200 Plain Genius
180-185 Brilliant
170-180 Very, Very Bright
165-170 Very Bright
155-160 Bright
150-155 Above Average
140-150 Average Mean
130-140 Vagarie C
125-130 Muddlehead
120-125 Palooka
110-120 Bonehead
100-110 Addlebrain
90-100 Blockhead
75-90 Dolt
60-75 Potato Masher
50-60 Dimwit
40-50 Stooge
30-40 Moron
25-30 Imbecile
20-25 Idiot
15-20 Dipsy Doodle
10-15 Pissant (French sp.)
5-10 Hay Haw
0-5 Blatherskate

(--for the record both Dr. Allan and Sgt. Grigsby are in the Very, Very Bright range.)


2. The Asp and The Adder by Beth Hodder Greaves--

A florid, seething, earthy and wondrous 800 page gothic novel about delicacies, intricacies, metaphors, intrigue, allusions and subtle nuances which swirl about in a thicket of fresh wild bramble.


3. Why I Done Whut I Done- by John C. Francis

Back for the umpteenth time, this amazing, heartwrenching and life-affirming autobiography of the real life "Kid Colt Outlaw" (John C. Francis) remains a perennial favorite. Mr. Francis pens his memoirs of a sordid and sorry past of gunslinging, cattle rustling, name calling, water troughing, stump whooping, eventual prison time and an eventual coming to terms with the U.S. Marshal and a making amends of past misdeeds. Especially poignant is the reunion with old enemies Robert Gray (the "Rawhide Kid") and Orrin Sackett. Kid Colt lives and dies by his motto: "I won't back down from any man spoiling for a fight, but I reckon to always set my sights on fair play and an honest wage."

-Truer words were never spoken.


4. Welcome To My Hurricane, I'll Be Your Host- by Jere Hough,

The longtime Mobile, Alabama local weatherman on Channel 5 finally gives away his secrets and shows why he is known as "Mr. Obsequious." Mr. Hough, one of a kind in his bowtie and unflappable servility as he announces the oncoming storm, always reassures his viewers that even with thunderstorms and severe weather patterns approaching, there's always time for civility and deference. I'll be your host for the hurricane this evening. I think we will have a good time.

5. Prophecy in Hindsight- Dr. Jack Van Impe

Dr. Jack Van Impe got it right with his take on the breakup of the Soviet republics but was wrong on Turkey, dead wrong on the identity of the antichrist (Chou En Lai) and blown out of the water on the prediction that 1988 would be the end of the world. He's still batting about .298 though and that's better than Al Kaline. (Al Kaline ended his career with a .297 batting average and works for the Detroit Tigers organization.)

6. The Rake's Progress--by Allen Hawley---a rollicking account of the original "rake"--the free-wheeling, swashbuckling, rakish Founding Father, Gouvernier Morris--he wasn't really a governor, but he sure was a rake!

7. Best Jobs/ Worst Jobs--the Dept. of Labor pub.---a nice compilation of the best jobs in the U.S....as well as the worst. Here's a sample: Best Job: Executive Wine and Cheese Tester for Gourmet Magazine----Worst Job: Barehanded Cesspool Dredger.---better study hard for those SAT's!

8. Harry Porter and the Flying Dragon- by Alice Chalmers---out February 15----sort of a formula story of a 12 year old boy who uses sorcery to defeat a large dragon---fairly predictable, but of interest mainly for the copyright infringement suit which is sure to follow in August.---Who gets to represent Rowling in this one?

9. The Party Line- Official Soviet Humour From the 1930's and 40's- compiled by Dr. Paul Westhover, professor at Norwich University in Britian----a broad sample of the best and most oft-told jokes in the Stalin era. Here's a good representative: "Q: Where does Comrade Stalin sit when he goes to an official banquet? A: Anywhere he d--n well pleases!"
---and so on, etc.. -This is one of the funnier ones.

10. Baby Needs A New Pair of Shoes-A Young Person's Guide to Vegas by William J. Bennett-- the former Education Secretary lays the groundwork for effective betting in the Las Vegas casinos---marketed primarily to the 12-16 year old age group-----hits, stops, pulls, lets, and "folding high" are among the complexities Bennett expertly covers in this handy little guide to games of chance.-----Is standing pat with a pair of kings really considered a "virtue"?

11. The True Meaning of X-Mas--by Dr. Richard Rosenklavier--

Spend some quality time with Dr. Rosenklavier as he reminds us that this special time of year is not about Pokemon and consumerism but about metaphor and meaning. A deeply, deeply moving, disturbing, reassuring and utterly profound book. Marked down for clearance.


12. Palladin's Carbuncle-the great Norman Mailer (published posthumously)--

The great American man of letters outdid himself this time with a 25,000 page classic. Very hard to understand and very filthy throughout but es brilliante! Only $275.99--no layaways please.


13. No Wasted Motions--by Dr. Edward L. Harris--

America's top efficiency expert, Dr. Harris gives his ingenious plan which anyone can follow for a complete reordering and restructuring of your daily life. From the time you get out of bed in the morning to the time you get back into bed that night, you can learn how to act with 100% MAXIMUM EFFICIENCY and not waste a single motion. Because you simply can't afford to waste any more time.


14. The Top Ten People of the Past Millennium (1000-2000)--The Rogers Institute

This one is self-explanatory--and controversial! For instance, Ben Franklin made the cut, but Anwar Sadat did not. Kemalil Ataturk also made the list, but Amerigo Vespucci did not. Tommy Jefferson made it, but Pope Urban II certainly did not; Bill Shaksepeare- si, Eli Whitney, no---------probably the most controversial pick of all was that of General Omar Bradley.


15. USA Today/ People Magazine's Social Forecast--

Find out what we're doing these days, what we're eating, what we're thinking, who we're admiring, what we'd like to be doing, and so, so much more! For people in the know like you.


16. The Ultimate Horror-- by T.L. Mennefield

The late, great Mennefield, who died of shock as soon as he wrote the infamous last page (the terrible page 780), has written the most horrible and shocking book of all time. Edgar Allen Poe and Steven King both are likened unto Dr. Seuss compared to Mennefield. This 780 page Gothic Horror Novel starts in a mundane, workaday fashion, no big deal, ho-hum etc.,... but slowly as the chapters and the plot unfolds, adverb is piled upon adverb, adjectives and prepositional phrase structures are intwined, intermeshed and woven into a syntaxical labrynthine macrocosm as the work moves inexorably towards its' tragical and horrible ending: Page 780 is absolutely the most HORRIBLE and SHOCKING piece of prose ever penned. PLEASE CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR, PASTOR AND PSYCHOLOGIST BEFORE READING THIS BOOK. Originally titled "Abe's Hideaway".


17. Laugh Until Urination--Race For the White House, 2008--by Mark Russell---Book and CD.

The funniest man in the world, Mark Russell is at it again with a hitherto unreleased collection of his political satire. Examples include his amazing piano rag in which he satirizes Hillary Clinton's ill-advised Social Security proposal in a B Minor cross-key arpeggio and his famous "Beltway Waltz" in which he takes on campaign finance reform in the style of the elder Strauss. WARNING--do NOT drink anything before you read this book, and/or listen to the CD. Side-splitting.


18. Likud's Honor--Teddy Bantam and the Bowery Boys

Basically (in our honest opinion), 350 pages of pure nothing, but everyone seems to be buying it this year. Fine with us.

19. Obamarama- Friends of Pres. Obama

A quiet tribute to the charismatic leader of the greatest country in the free world. Plenty of Hawaii shots and motivational quotes abound.

20. Ibid--Anonymous
At long last available in bargain price, the famous book which bears the noble distinction of having been cited more than any other work. Many have theorized as to who actually wrote this (one person--some say Joyce-- others say a combination of D.L. Bixby and James Michener, still others maintain that a supercomputer wrote it, others a team of associates)....but it hardly matters, this 350 volume set (cost $2500.00--the original printings were estimated at 2.3 million) contains facts, prose, mystery, espionage, poetry, irony, wisdom, and not a little heavy-handed triteness but it is all worth it.

On the surface, "Ibid" is basically a wartime suspense novel with psychological overtones set in 1940's London during the Battle of Britian. (Harry Leith, Vera, Cadbury, and Dr. Ippolit--those unforgettable characters!) It develops into more than that of course....much, much more. "Ibid" has been alternately praised, cursed and criticized for its' length and breadth of character and quality of its' prose. But it is cited more than any other book precisely because of it's wide-ranging subject matter and its' refusal to shy away from the hard issues. Some say it has become a monstrosity which is out of control and it admittedly has weighed heavily on every other author since its' inception. But it is "Ibid" and there is none like unto it.

Recent Attorney Disbarments- Alabama

As requested, here is the official list of the attorneys who have been DISBARRED in Alabama as of the month of January, 2009.

--R.D. Kelly, Huntsville, Madison County Bar Association---DISBARRED for "repeated failures, annullments, doubts and misgivings".

--L.T. McFarland, Jasper----DISBARRED by operation of law.

--D.Fredrick Holmgren--Birmingham, Baker, Hughes & Greene--DISBARRED for gross misjudgment and negligent misadventure.

--G.C.X. Drewer--Anniston, Jerrod & Hayes--DISBARRED and DISANNULLED for "the doing of that which he ought not to have done, and for the not doing of that which he ought to have done" in a client matter entrusted to him.

--P.Y. Couric--Dothan-- DISBARRED UNEQUIVOCALLY for "the making a necessity out of that which was not and vice versa."

--I.L. O'Donnell--Montgomery, Parker & Poe-- DISBARRED INDUBITABLY for playing the fool several times and once too often.

--Professor B.C. Greer--Smut Eye-- DISBARRED for bringing grievous embarrassment and shame upon his colleagues in a Motion for Interpleader, Rule 26A.

--Col. G.T. Shipman--Gadsden-- EFFECTIVELY DISBARRED for technical violation of statute designed to trap the unwary.

--Y.R. "Big House" Tyler--Greene County Legal Clinic--DISBARRED FOREVERMORE for the "causing of that which (is) to be made utterly void and the other way around...etc."

----------------Thank you for your consideration----- please thank the following contributors to this monthly service:

D.G. Hennessy, Articles Editor
L.X. Fallon, Articles Editor #2
T.R. Guinn, Articles Editor et. al......

Pastoral Suspensions and Expulsions- Alabama District

THIS IS A COMMUNITY SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT LIST OF AREA RELIGIOUS LEADERS WHO HAVE BEEN SUSPENDED AND/OR EXPELLED FROM THE PULPIT OF THEIR RESPECTIVE DENOMINATIONS, JANUARY, 2009.-----Taken from Central Alabama Religion News Service.

1. Rev. James P. McAfee- temporarily suspended from the pastorate of St. Luke's Methodist Church for "the gainsaying of that which was not." (Rev. McAfee in his defense, passionately disputed the gainsaying charge and earned himself a second suspension.)

2. Rev. Thomas Kodaly- suspended without further notice from St. Anne Lutheran Church for "getting lost in the text without a map." (He had the dubious honor of accomplishing this feat twice in one month.)

3. Big Pete Browning- expelled from the pulpit at Rock Hill Tabernacle for "planned spontaneity" and "positive negation." (Big Pete has appealed to both the Alabama Council of Churches and the Board of Ironies.)

4. Dr. T. Lewis Whittle- expelled from the pulpit without further recourse for "playing the devil's advocate."

5. Rev. J.S. Greer- expelled indefinitely from the pulpit of Thomas Road Baptist for "allowing the Apostle Paul to get into a 'jam' and then leaving him there."

6. Monsignor Francis Salinari- expelled from the Catholic League for "seeing through to two (2) or more popes at the same time and in the same respect."

7. Dr. Howard G. Bray- expelled with pay from the Lateran Council for "Blasphemous Disputations Upon The Function of King Hezekiah". (Dr. Bray has refused to apologize one bit for his part in the matter.)

8. King Ezra Rooney- expunged with recourse from the Unity Trinitarian Synagogue for his role in the Matter of Bildad. (case pending before the US Court of Claims, 7th Circuit)

9. Rev. Otis "Ote" Ottis- suspended for one sermon for both his "failure to act decisively," and "failure to carry out a work order."

10. Dr. Jhang Li Ho- expelled forevermore from the Korean Nazarene Assembly for "a little of this and a little of that."

WE HAVE MUCH TO LEARN FROM THEIR MISTAKES.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Extra for the week of Feb. 1.--

The Fighting Words of Francis Schaeffer- famous (infamous) quotes pulled out of context from one of the last century's greats:

1. "....Gimme some tea!" from The God Who Is There, page 74.

2. "....I want to smash too!" from The God Who Is There, page 62.

3. "....smash the phonograph!" from The Church Before The Watching World, page 93.

4. ".....shut up about the blacks!" from The Church At the End of the 20th Century, page 82.

5."...smash the man to the ground with his big shepherd fist." How Then Should We Live, page 125.

Dr. Schaeffer is unfairly portrayed in a negative light by these quotes pulled completely out of context.

Thank you for your consideration in these matters.-ed.

2009 European Television Schedule

The European TV (EuroTV) council has completed the 2009 European TV lineup and here are few samples from various countries within the orbit:

Editors' Note: The first two shows are excellent and the others are all terrible, just plain terrible. Stick with American TV instead!
--Available on Digital Satellite------

1. Hungary- "Fiddlin' Janos and Karolda"--- in this hourly melodrama laced with Magyar humour, the main character is an "old-timey" Hungarian fiddler (Janos, expertly played by Milos Czodly) who quit speaking in 1977 and communicates only through the fiddle. Not a few political overtones here, but even Western Europeans and Americans can enjoy the fiddle.

2. Spain- "Lambasto!"-- the late King Carlos II is throughly sliced, diced and made sport of in every way as this edgy irreverent humourous 30 minute Spanish comedy premieres on Feb. 1. Even those who are totally unfamiliar with King Carlos II will appreciate good old fashioned ridicule.

3. Ukraine- "Who Will Win 5000 Rubles To-day?"--a Ukrainian version of the U.S. game show hit which features Yuri Velnegov, a veteran of the old Soviet chess matches, rudely barking out question after question to the unfortunate guests. No multiple choices are allowed and the ruble is devalued enough to render the entire escapade altogether worthless and a waste of one's time and energy. Watch "Moscow Feud" instead.

4. Finland- "Monday Morning Quarterbacking"-- a half-hearted tribute to Howard Cosell, although it becomes increasingly clear after about the first 10 minutes that the Finns know next to nothing about American football.

5. Turkey- "Iron Lung"--a Turkish version of the American cooking channel show "Iron Chef" which instead features various contestants trying to out-smoke each other. It ain't cool.

6. Northern Siberia- "The Andy Griffith Show"-- reruns in syndication in Northern Siberia 4 times a day, 7 days a week. Interesting sidebar: The rugged Siberian audience loves Floyd the Barber and is indifferent to Gomer. They also hate the color ones with Howard Sprague and Warren. But then again we all hate those Sprague/Warren ones too. We're not so different after all.

7. Azerbajain- "Howard Hawke's Raw Deal"- This is a borrowed concept based on Mannix and Barnaby Jones. Waste of time. However, actor Rupert Smallington-Rudge speaks perfect, if clipped for Arabic censors, BBC British.

8. Vatican City- "St. Cristilo's Place"- Fun, games, comedy, sketchwork and Catholic doctrine is dished out every day at 3:00 right after Sanford and Son in syndications.

9. Germany- "Zum Geinhoeferderbinder"- This hour long yawner translates into Nyquil. 20 or so fast cars around a track, an occasional shoot out and techno music. Even the occasional guest appearance by Maximillan Schell helps not.

10. Poland- "It Is Now The Time For Flashback"- Nostalgia reins supreme as historical events and Lech Walesa soundbites and outtakes are made into a 39 minute video soup for those who love the past and who are condemned to repeat it. The Beatles on the Ed Sullivan show are shown occasionally.

Vintage Prairie Belt Sausage Cookbook!

Here is a sample of some of the best recipes from the ORIGINAL Prairie Belt Sausage Cookbook (1953) which I found in my old dusty attic the other day. Seems all of them met Little Walter's "seal of approval"!--------Ed. Note-All recipes are unedited and in their original form----

1. "Mrs. Hendry's Plain Old Sausage With Greenbeans"- (sometimes called "Sausage Wheel")

Take 3 cans of 12 oz. Prairie Belt sausage and place them in a standard boiler. Add 4 oz. of salt, 2 teaspoons of pepper and a little extra water to add to the hearty sausage juice. Remember to scrape gristle jelly off the sausage. Goes well with a side boiler of warmed Green Snap Beans. If you forget to scrape jelly off of the sausage, then it still doesn't matter since it is good but not as good as the sausage itself.

-courtesy of Mrs. A.G. Hendry, Algoona, Iowa, 1952.

2. Sausage House-

Take one EXTRA LARGE can of Prairie Belt Sausage and drain the juice out. Place in frying pan with only a little lard and add: 3 tsp. of paprika, 4 oz. of oregano (if you have such a spice around the house!), 5 oz. of Worcestershire sauce (pronounced Wooster), 3 tsp. of Morton Iodized Salt, and a little bit of care and concern. Roll the sausages in the mixture and as soon as they sizzle a bit, then.....they're ready to eat. Watch them carefully as they may be hot and the grease WILL splatter. If you have a little Canned Sauerkraut, then by all means add that on the plate. Any other vegetables go good except large peas.

-courtesy of Mrs. D.L. Bauer, Counciltown, IA 1951

3. La Louisiana Especialles-

(ed. note-This recipe comes down through four generations of Yelverton's- all of whom spoke fluent bastard French.)

Bonjour! Une, you take the smoky variety of Praiere Belt (sic) sausages, and marinate thems in a "roux sauce" made of Worcestershire, onion and garlic powders. Deux, you take the French's mustard and SLATHER onto the sausages after being browned good and done for 1 hour at 375 degrees--Tres..........pull outen that there oven and EAT them things cher.

-courtesy of Mr. G.S. "Coon" Yelverton of Zachary, La. 1958

4. Little Underwood's Sausage Cake-
(EDITOR'S NOTE- this is the unaltered recipe of a 7 year old from Liberty, Mississippi-the spelling and grammar has been left intact)

Mee Maw and Paw Haw let me mak thiss when I gottens the sniffle-snaps---// Grabb a big old can of Prary Bett sasag and tak them all out. pur the grissle juice into a mason jar and drink it for latter. The sasag will be cook in oven for an hour and jk then let it out for hot. Big an sasg for pepper in the oven and sink- wash for gret al and cheese ans. 4 hour- thin it rizzen for Marha White flor and maw hap.

-courtesy of Master Underwood S. Lodey, Liberty, Ms. 1957
(ED. NOTE- isn't that precious?)

-Only four recipes? I want to read some more! Well, not in this blog posting but there you can order a copy on EBAY at the following rates: Only $21.99 for unstained copies, $13.99 for stained copies. $4.99 bargain value rate for stained, gross and foul-smelling copies from 1953.

IQ Test #1

Here's a brief 10 question IQ test covering history, current events, logic, etc. The answers are following the questions. Take the test and find out how you rate, brainpower-wise.

1. What was Nader's nadir?
2. What was Zenith's zenith?
3. What was the high point of High Point?
4. Do egrets have regrets?
5. Why did Orientals discover the Occident by accident?
6. What is the "pair of dimes" paradigm?
7. What U.S. college offers a major in mining and a minor in majoring?
8. What was the lore of Les Moore of yore, more or less?
9. What values does Fosters foster?
10. What was the longest running show on television?


Answers:

1. After his successful diatribe against the automobile industry in "Unsafe at Any Speed", Ralph Nader's absolute low point was his ill-advised sequel, "Sixty in the Carwash."

2. The famous television company, Zenith enjoyed their highest sales figures in the early 1960's when they were selling TV's like hotcakes. (Hotcakes sold like pancakes in those days)

3. The greatest days of the city of High Point, North Carolina, were probably in the 'roaring '20's' when illegal booze flowed freely and the Fitzgeralds crashed every party in town. Ain't they got fun?

4. It has not been scientifically determined whether egrets have actual 'regrets' over things they've done or whether they just 'second guess' themselves every now and then.

5. Failure to orient themselves correctly.

6. In most locales, 20 cents.

7. Ripon College in Wisconsin offers Mining as a major and Majoring in the U.S. Army as a minor.

8. Yes, well more or less, the legend was that Les Moore was a notorious gunfighter who was gunned down in Tombstone, Arizona in the 1800's, and the epitaph on his gravestone reads:
Here lies Les Moore, Four slugs from a .44, No Les, No Moore.

9. The Australian beer company fosters hard work, justice and a sense of fair play.

10. The annual airing of the Boston Marathon (26.2 miles) has always been the longest running show on television.