Here is a list of Amazon's bestselling hardback books for January, 2009 with a short review of each.
1. The Idiot's Guide to Mental Retardation by Sargent Carl Grigsby and Dr. Van Allan.
This overview of the different degrees and variations of mental acumen and lack thereof surprised not a few as being one of the most incisive titles in the current "Idiot's Guide" series. For instance did you know that a moron is smarter than an imbecile, but not quite as bright as a mere dolt? Dr. Allan provides wonderful commentary and a helpful chart on the frontispiece which details this gradation in toto:
IQ Level: 500+ SuperGenius
400-500 Blockbuster
300-400 Einsteinian Superbuster
200-300 Genius In Brillante
185-200 Plain Genius
180-185 Brilliant
170-180 Very, Very Bright
165-170 Very Bright
155-160 Bright
150-155 Above Average
140-150 Average Mean
130-140 Vagarie C
125-130 Muddlehead
120-125 Palooka
110-120 Bonehead
100-110 Addlebrain
90-100 Blockhead
75-90 Dolt
60-75 Potato Masher
50-60 Dimwit
40-50 Stooge
30-40 Moron
25-30 Imbecile
20-25 Idiot
15-20 Dipsy Doodle
10-15 Pissant (French sp.)
5-10 Hay Haw
0-5 Blatherskate
(--for the record both Dr. Allan and Sgt. Grigsby are in the Very, Very Bright range.)
2. The Asp and The Adder by Beth Hodder Greaves--
A florid, seething, earthy and wondrous 800 page gothic novel about delicacies, intricacies, metaphors, intrigue, allusions and subtle nuances which swirl about in a thicket of fresh wild bramble.
3. Why I Done Whut I Done- by John C. Francis
Back for the umpteenth time, this amazing, heartwrenching and life-affirming autobiography of the real life "Kid Colt Outlaw" (John C. Francis) remains a perennial favorite. Mr. Francis pens his memoirs of a sordid and sorry past of gunslinging, cattle rustling, name calling, water troughing, stump whooping, eventual prison time and an eventual coming to terms with the U.S. Marshal and a making amends of past misdeeds. Especially poignant is the reunion with old enemies Robert Gray (the "Rawhide Kid") and Orrin Sackett. Kid Colt lives and dies by his motto: "I won't back down from any man spoiling for a fight, but I reckon to always set my sights on fair play and an honest wage."
-Truer words were never spoken.
4. Welcome To My Hurricane, I'll Be Your Host- by Jere Hough,
The longtime Mobile, Alabama local weatherman on Channel 5 finally gives away his secrets and shows why he is known as "Mr. Obsequious." Mr. Hough, one of a kind in his bowtie and unflappable servility as he announces the oncoming storm, always reassures his viewers that even with thunderstorms and severe weather patterns approaching, there's always time for civility and deference. I'll be your host for the hurricane this evening. I think we will have a good time.
5. Prophecy in Hindsight- Dr. Jack Van Impe
Dr. Jack Van Impe got it right with his take on the breakup of the Soviet republics but was wrong on Turkey, dead wrong on the identity of the antichrist (Chou En Lai) and blown out of the water on the prediction that 1988 would be the end of the world. He's still batting about .298 though and that's better than Al Kaline. (Al Kaline ended his career with a .297 batting average and works for the Detroit Tigers organization.)
6. The Rake's Progress--by Allen Hawley---a rollicking account of the original "rake"--the free-wheeling, swashbuckling, rakish Founding Father, Gouvernier Morris--he wasn't really a governor, but he sure was a rake!
7. Best Jobs/ Worst Jobs--the Dept. of Labor pub.---a nice compilation of the best jobs in the U.S....as well as the worst. Here's a sample: Best Job: Executive Wine and Cheese Tester for Gourmet Magazine----Worst Job: Barehanded Cesspool Dredger.---better study hard for those SAT's!
8. Harry Porter and the Flying Dragon- by Alice Chalmers---out February 15----sort of a formula story of a 12 year old boy who uses sorcery to defeat a large dragon---fairly predictable, but of interest mainly for the copyright infringement suit which is sure to follow in August.---Who gets to represent Rowling in this one?
9. The Party Line- Official Soviet Humour From the 1930's and 40's- compiled by Dr. Paul Westhover, professor at Norwich University in Britian----a broad sample of the best and most oft-told jokes in the Stalin era. Here's a good representative: "Q: Where does Comrade Stalin sit when he goes to an official banquet? A: Anywhere he d--n well pleases!"
---and so on, etc.. -This is one of the funnier ones.
10. Baby Needs A New Pair of Shoes-A Young Person's Guide to Vegas by William J. Bennett-- the former Education Secretary lays the groundwork for effective betting in the Las Vegas casinos---marketed primarily to the 12-16 year old age group-----hits, stops, pulls, lets, and "folding high" are among the complexities Bennett expertly covers in this handy little guide to games of chance.-----Is standing pat with a pair of kings really considered a "virtue"?
11. The True Meaning of X-Mas--by Dr. Richard Rosenklavier--
Spend some quality time with Dr. Rosenklavier as he reminds us that this special time of year is not about Pokemon and consumerism but about metaphor and meaning. A deeply, deeply moving, disturbing, reassuring and utterly profound book. Marked down for clearance.
12. Palladin's Carbuncle-the great Norman Mailer (published posthumously)--
The great American man of letters outdid himself this time with a 25,000 page classic. Very hard to understand and very filthy throughout but es brilliante! Only $275.99--no layaways please.
13. No Wasted Motions--by Dr. Edward L. Harris--
America's top efficiency expert, Dr. Harris gives his ingenious plan which anyone can follow for a complete reordering and restructuring of your daily life. From the time you get out of bed in the morning to the time you get back into bed that night, you can learn how to act with 100% MAXIMUM EFFICIENCY and not waste a single motion. Because you simply can't afford to waste any more time.
14. The Top Ten People of the Past Millennium (1000-2000)--The Rogers Institute
This one is self-explanatory--and controversial! For instance, Ben Franklin made the cut, but Anwar Sadat did not. Kemalil Ataturk also made the list, but Amerigo Vespucci did not. Tommy Jefferson made it, but Pope Urban II certainly did not; Bill Shaksepeare- si, Eli Whitney, no---------probably the most controversial pick of all was that of General Omar Bradley.
15. USA Today/ People Magazine's Social Forecast--
Find out what we're doing these days, what we're eating, what we're thinking, who we're admiring, what we'd like to be doing, and so, so much more! For people in the know like you.
16. The Ultimate Horror-- by T.L. Mennefield
The late, great Mennefield, who died of shock as soon as he wrote the infamous last page (the terrible page 780), has written the most horrible and shocking book of all time. Edgar Allen Poe and Steven King both are likened unto Dr. Seuss compared to Mennefield. This 780 page Gothic Horror Novel starts in a mundane, workaday fashion, no big deal, ho-hum etc.,... but slowly as the chapters and the plot unfolds, adverb is piled upon adverb, adjectives and prepositional phrase structures are intwined, intermeshed and woven into a syntaxical labrynthine macrocosm as the work moves inexorably towards its' tragical and horrible ending: Page 780 is absolutely the most HORRIBLE and SHOCKING piece of prose ever penned. PLEASE CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR, PASTOR AND PSYCHOLOGIST BEFORE READING THIS BOOK. Originally titled "Abe's Hideaway".
17. Laugh Until Urination--Race For the White House, 2008--by Mark Russell---Book and CD.
The funniest man in the world, Mark Russell is at it again with a hitherto unreleased collection of his political satire. Examples include his amazing piano rag in which he satirizes Hillary Clinton's ill-advised Social Security proposal in a B Minor cross-key arpeggio and his famous "Beltway Waltz" in which he takes on campaign finance reform in the style of the elder Strauss. WARNING--do NOT drink anything before you read this book, and/or listen to the CD. Side-splitting.
18. Likud's Honor--Teddy Bantam and the Bowery Boys
Basically (in our honest opinion), 350 pages of pure nothing, but everyone seems to be buying it this year. Fine with us.
19. Obamarama- Friends of Pres. Obama
A quiet tribute to the charismatic leader of the greatest country in the free world. Plenty of Hawaii shots and motivational quotes abound.
20. Ibid--Anonymous
At long last available in bargain price, the famous book which bears the noble distinction of having been cited more than any other work. Many have theorized as to who actually wrote this (one person--some say Joyce-- others say a combination of D.L. Bixby and James Michener, still others maintain that a supercomputer wrote it, others a team of associates)....but it hardly matters, this 350 volume set (cost $2500.00--the original printings were estimated at 2.3 million) contains facts, prose, mystery, espionage, poetry, irony, wisdom, and not a little heavy-handed triteness but it is all worth it.
On the surface, "Ibid" is basically a wartime suspense novel with psychological overtones set in 1940's London during the Battle of Britian. (Harry Leith, Vera, Cadbury, and Dr. Ippolit--those unforgettable characters!) It develops into more than that of course....much, much more. "Ibid" has been alternately praised, cursed and criticized for its' length and breadth of character and quality of its' prose. But it is cited more than any other book precisely because of it's wide-ranging subject matter and its' refusal to shy away from the hard issues. Some say it has become a monstrosity which is out of control and it admittedly has weighed heavily on every other author since its' inception. But it is "Ibid" and there is none like unto it.
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