The Paronomasia Review, Film Board of Ironies and Hollywood Insider have just come out with a list of the best movies due for release for the summer of 2012. Here is a quick rundown of some of the better ones:
1. "The Trayvon Martin Story"- a quickly made and released tribute to the late, great American Martyr who gave his life for his faith & country. It is expected to have its' worldwide premier in several select theatres on Chicago's southside, and more particularly, Congressman Bobby Rush's electoral district. Leni Riefenstahl, Jr. and Oliver Stone co-directed this heart-warmer. The first 100 customers will receive a free hooded sweatshirt, box of Skittles, and complementary can of RaceBait bug spray.
Interesting sidenote! At the last minute, Bob Dylan decided not to provide the soundtrack for the movie, ala 'Hurricane', and in typical Dylan style, reportedly said that he may even go back to his original birth name.
2. "The Pickish Games"- in the very near future, one boy and one girl from different towns decide to volunteer for a pleasant game of 4 hand contract bridge with Omar Sharif and Charles Goren. A love triangle and diamond compete with grand slams in this extremely mild thriller.
The theatres took a chance with the movie adaptation from the worldwide success of the popular teen book series which originally ran on page 25 next to the crossword puzzle and the Jumble of most newspapers.
3. "Not In My Neighborhood!"- the award winning documentary on racism and housing discrimination makes its' way to the big screen. This one proves to be a BLOCKBUSTER.
As a spontaneous promotional by Lancome, the first 50 ladies at each showing will receive a free case of REDLINER.
4. "This Is Your Life" and "Hell's Bells"- a double feature based on the popular evangelistic tracts of the 1970's and 80's. Instead of Ralph Edwards or Angus Young, these pictures feature Kirk Cameron starring in the lead role in both. Family Focus productions have heavily marketed the movies, mostly in truck stops and on the pavement of sidewalks. Be warned, though; these movies are definitely CHICK FLICKS.
HAW HAW HAW!
5. "I Feel the Earth Move"- a GROUNDBREAKING film chronicling the life and times of singer-songwriter Carole King. Ms. King is expected to play herself although a stand-in is on stand-by to stand out and cover her ecstatic lines and original compositions.
The old Heidegger is the new Heidegger!- F. Schaeffer
6. "A Largo in the Key of Sea"- those crazy Coen brothers team up again for a 'remake' of the famous 1948 film noir classic, "Key Largo". This one ought to be called "A Fargo in the Key of Sea" since it stars William H. Macy, Frances McDormand and Steve Buscemi and involves a man who has his wife kidnapped and then tries to get her back. You also should know that U2 will provide songs from the soundtrack: "You" and "UBet", Frances McDormand will provide the "You betcha", and Groucho Marx will provide the quiz show.
You betcha life!
7. Speaking of Key Largo, the beautiful Lauren Bacall (actually now an octogenarian)is host of a new documentary movie of her life with Humphrey Bogart and some of the other Hollywood stars. The film, "Humphrey & Lauren" is predictable but features some interesting trivia: for example, Bogie played regular golf with the urbane Jack Paar, Irish actor Birdy Sweeney and Eagle Eye Cody, who always took at least one mulligan.
Henny Youngman reportedly took his mulligans everywhere but they always found their way back home.
8. Speaking of Avatar, the original book was far, far better than the movie, and Dickens' "A Tale of Two Cities" was a far, far, better thing than either.
More? More? You ask for More? Alright then, 2 more.
9. John Grisham & Kathryn Stockett's tag-team blockbuster, "The The" is still expected to be in the theatres this summer and will reportedly run as a stand alone double feature with a 2 for 1 admission price.
If you've seen this one once, you've seen it twice!
10. Speaking of "The The", Yes did the soundtrack along with the Who and Them.
Rumors of an Abbott & Costello remake are unfounded and I don't know who or what started it.
