Still More Random Thoughts.

Here are a list of 10 more 'random thoughts' Sowell-style, none of which can be adequately explained or correctly interpreted: only savored and enjoyed.

1. The old wives' tale, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away", is very true indeed, and has been proven equally true in the aggregate. For example, 4 apples a day seems to keep 3 doctors away, and 250 apples a year will keep at a comfortable distance, 100-150 physicians on an annual basis. And as could be expected, there are currently no medical practitioners to be found anywhere in the apple-producing counties of eastern Washington state.

Ain't that grand?

2. Some people bemoan the ubiquitous telemarketer who seems to call every single evening during suppertime with a solicitation, often in direct violation of the current FCC 'no call lists.' For my money though, I'll take a modern telemarketer any day over the old style door to door salesman who used to show up uninvited every few weeks ringing your door bell at suppertime. If you cracked the door too far, they would inevitably insert the old "shoe on a stick" into the doorspace thereby preventing closure and insuring entry into your house. You would then always end up buying a Fuller brush which you didn't want, and a set of encyclopedias which you didn't need.

Not only that, but they usually ate up all of your supper as well.

I don't know about you, but I'll take these modern 'telemarketers' any old day!

3. Dr. Vivian Miholo is a professor of Zen who lost one of his arms in a tragic sawmill accident back in 1977. He became a traveling orator, giving rousing speeches resulting in standing ovations at sold out Zen conventions. Dr. Miholo will tell all who listens that he has found that he doesn't need two hands anyway.

Applause, Applause!

4. I'll never forget the "Foxfire" wisdom of old Jasper McWhiney. Once, when asked what is the difference between a 'creek', a 'stream', and a 'brook', old Jasper McWhiney answered thusly:

"The difernce (sic) betwixt a crick, stream and brook is whut (sic) I'll tell ye: A crick is a great big ol' stream. A stream is a little bitty ol' crick. A brook ain't no part of nuthin'!"

Friends, it's hard to argue with that!

5. Speaking of old Jasper McWhiney, he always believed (as I do) that one of the most despicable 'prayers' which could be offered was the 'prayer' which went as follows: "Use me, O Lord.....preferably in an advisory capacity." This always sickened old Jasper, and he used to always say, when speaking of this so-called 'prayer': "There ain't no one who'll bust hell wide open as much as these here what say this type of tommy-rot and jes' plain old nonsense."

Again, hard to argue with that.

6. It has been proven time and time again, that the "Golden Rule" applies to all people everywhere with the exception of masochists. The Golden Rule never applies for masochists.

7. I once heard a very funny old Soviet joke which had been circulating since the 1950's. It began with Khrushchev, Boris Pasternak, and an Orthodox patriarch walking into a bar after Stalin's funeral. I don't remember the 'meat' of the joke, but I well remember the punchline: "Hey, that was no Five Year Plan, that was my wife!"

I sure wish I could remember the rest of it.

8. Speaking of comedy, during impromptu speeches, President William McKinley used to warm up his audiences with tasteless ethnic jokes, usually at the expense of people of southern and eastern European extraction, with names such as D'Antonio, Wojoleski, and Czolgosz. Especially names like Czolgosz.

9. Speaking of assassins, legendary Pittsburgh Steeler coach Chuck Noll once accused Oakland Raiders defensive back George Atkinson of being part of a 'criminal element' after old No. 43 knocked out Steeler wide receiver Lynn Swann with a forearm to the head.

Steelers-Raiders. Jack Tatum. Jack Lambert. Mean Joe Greene and Kenny Stabler. Was there ever a better NFL rivalry in the so called 'golden age of the NFL'?

10. Finally, speaking of Japanese restaurants, part of their universal appeal seems to be the aesthetic quality of the food as prepared and the way that it is placed on the plate in perfect harmonious order. A 'feng shui' sense of balance and proportion renders even the most inexpensive dining venture at a Japanese establishment, the most delightful of culinary events for this very reason.

But should you actually order the 'bird's nest' soup?

Well, I'd say go ahead and try it out. You only live twice.