Random Ramblings Reprise

1. I remember watching the great comic actor Arte Johnson (Laugh-In, etc.) narrate and play all of the main characters in a television production of the book of Esther in the Old Testament. I believe I saw this early on a Sunday morning way back in the mid 1970's. I wonder if anyone remembers this. Johnson played Mordecai, Haman, King Xerxes, and even donned a wig to play Esther herself. One-man shows in which different characters are portrayed by one actor used to be all the rage. Recently I saw Valerie Harper play Golda Meir, both of her parents, her boyfriend (later husband) as well as Ben Gurion in a one man (or rather,'one-woman') show on the Jewish Television network.

This takes some kind of talent.

2. The legendary Will Rogers is known for making the statement that he had "never met a stranger." Of course, this is due to the fact that he suffered from severe agoraphobia which resulted in his never being able to leave his house during his entire adult life.

3. The author Robert Fulghum is famous for his book, "Everything I Need to Know, I Learned In Kindergarten." That was easy for him to say, since Mr. Fulghum, it is widely known now, attended an extremely advanced kindergarten in upstate New York where he learned history, government, science, math, law, accounting, visual art and even typing.

4. I don't believe in Nietzsche's doctrine of eternal recurrence where everything that has ever happened has supposedly happened once before and will happen again, ad infinitum. That is, I don't believe it now. I'll probably believe in it next time.

5. The great James Lileks posted an old cartoon on his site in which a Depression-era hobo knocked at a lady's door, asking if he could do any work for her. The lady rudely said that "there wasn't nothing" he could do for her (sic). Undeterred, the hobo, who was quick on his feet, remarked that there was indeed something he could do for the lady. The very polite hobo kindly told the lady, "Oh yes, there is something I can do for you. I can correct your grammar." This was very true, and at the moment the hobo said this comment, there seem to be a multitude of hobos, vagrants, idlers, and 'hangers-on' all gathered to the far horizon as far as the eye can see, who give a hearty 'hurrah' at this well-placed barb.

Old cartoons ain't what they used to be.

6. Speaking of old cartoons, I once saw an issue of "Bunky" who is basically a baby who comments upon the action from his position in a corner of the strip, much like one of the political cartoons of Pat Oliphant. But the main character revolves around an obscenely wealthy idler named 'Gilhooley' who has a beloved dog named 'John Thomas.' In one strip, Gilhooley decides to invite everyone and anyone named 'John Thomas' to his mansion where he will throw a party in his dog's honor. About 40 or 50 people show up and hear Gilhooley belt out "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow" while the real John Thomas snores in a corner. The people enjoy this show while ransacking through his mansion, going in his refrigerator, and pulling the butler's cap down on his eyes. 'Bunky' makes the wry observation from his corner caption that Gilhooley is 'tetched in the haid.' "Bunky" usually ran in the 1930's on the Sunday page above "Barney Google."

7. The phrase "every dog has his day" comes from the old tort law concerning dog bites. At the common law, when a dog bit someone, and the owner was sued, the plaintiff could usually not recover if it was proven to be the dog's 'first bite.' The original phrase was thusly: "Every dog deserves one free bite." This phrase gradually evolved into the phrase "every dog has his day."

8. Speaking of catchphrases, the oft used "wow-oh" is directly traceable to the trend as begun in 2002 of everyone dropping their vowels at the least opportunity. The great Icelandic pop singer and performance artist, Bjork (as pictured) was an expert at this type of lingo.

9. You know you grew up in a squalid, tiny tenement slum if you always admired the expansive and spacious manner in which sardines were arranged in their can.

10. Speaking of growing up the hard way, I've got to go to bed since it's late and the work truck comes by my house at 6 o'clock sharp. I missed it this morning and had to spend the day scrubbing the highway with a toothbrush.

Random Ramblings-The Bootleg Sessions

1. Burger Chef, thou shouldst be living at this hour...Fast-food America has need of thee! She is a fen.

The original Burger Chef commercials of the early to mid 1960's featured an urbane pre-Paper Chase John Houseman who stood stiffly in front of the camera on the verrazano of the headquarters office and intoned in a persuasive manner : "There are quite a number of sound reasons to eat at Burger Chef and very simply, no reason at all not to do so!" Believe me, after that, you got in your 1964 Impala and took the wife and children to the Burger Chef......posthaste!

In 1968, Burger Chef discontinued this commercial because the "times were a changing, etc...so they fired Houseman and brought in Arlo Guthrie and eventually by 1971, the Burger Chef and Jeff cartoon characters.

Burger Chef filed for Chapter 7 in 1982, but what a ride it was! Aquamarine and orange. The Big Cheese and the Captain's Meal.....Burger Chef, we won't forget you.

2. I once heard a speech by a man named Henny Youngman at a gathering once. It was truly disturbing. He started his speech by holding his wife as an example for some illustration he was trying to make, and then he respectfully offered her physically to the audience. He then said that he took his wife many different places, presumably to get rid of her, but she always returned to their house. Mr. Youngman also told of a friend of his who was given a terminal diagnosis of 6 months concerning some terrible illness by his doctor, and if this wasn't enough, he told his physician that he was financially strapped and could not compensate him. Mr. Youngman relates that his friend's doctor then 'adjusted' his diagnosis of terminality to a full year.

3. It is a truth universally acknowledged that the greatest of all Jane Austen novels is "Mansfield Park" and the greatest film adaptation of said novel is the recent PBS production with the irrepressible Billie Piper as Fanny Price (as shown). When watching Piper play Fanny Price, the viewer feels as if he or she is watching Fanny Price actually come to life. In this vein of "uncanny resemblances", the only performances comparable to this one in the world of film adaptations is John Goodman's legendary role of the equally legendary Babe Ruth in "The Babe" (1992) and Muhammad Ali's playing of himself in "When We Were Kings" (1996).

4. In 1876, Alexander Graham Bell invented the first telephone. Things really didn't get rolling until 3 years later when the 2nd one was invented.

5. Speaking of inventions, sliced bread was invented in 1450 and the concept of a "time-frame" was invented in 1918. Before 1450, every entity or idea stood alone with no "frame of reference." (By the way, "frames of reference" were invented by Dr. Thomas Howell in 1750.)

6. The Rash Linebaugh show (for poorer markets which can't afford Rush Limbaugh) runs daily from 1-3 on AM radio in those areas, and is a very poor substitute. Mr. Linebaugh's "show" consists of veiled threats and canned slogans shouted without restraint. I don't care for the show and would rather listen to music instead.

7. President Obama speaks to the American people every single day at noon on whatever topic happens to be the 'subject of the day.' This is too much exposure and indicative of too much government in our everyday life. My idea of the perfect president would hearken back to the Gilded Age of the post-Civil War 19th century when presidents were rarely seen and even more rarely, heard. The "Absentee Landlord" model of the presidency is the best, in my opinion.

8. Most states allow for 'holographic wills' and a few allow '3-D wills'. Outright holograms are frowned upon although allowed in 10 or more states. I've read that 2 states (California and Idaho, I believe) now incorporate Pixar animation for last wills and testaments.

9. Anagrams Now Are Good Reading And Make Sense.

10. The Socratic method as used by law professors should include real hemlock.

Nostradamus Predictions

Here are a few very timely Nostradamus predictions (from "All Things Nostradamus", LSU Press, 1997). Judge for yerself whether the old Frenchman hits it out of the park or whiffs it big-time. Remember, these were all made in the 16th century!

1. Concerning the BP Oil Spill:

And in the 'Greate Gulf'
There came an force and blast
Spilling ye carbons into the sea
Ruinin' de shrimp and killin' BP.

(This one is a little atypical of Casa Nostra, since he usually never
rhymed any of them.)

2. Concerning the Helen Thomas Debacle:

And on the white lawn
The ancient hag speakes
Regarding Zion and Canaan's lands, she
Hath stayeth way, way, way overlong.

(Nostradamus speaks for us all; Ms. Thomas shoulda been retired many moons ago.)

3. Concerning the Joran Van Der S***t Situation:

Vain and rotten spoiled
The bad prince slayeth two more fair,
But ending in the Inca house (!)
By hanging, decapitation and the giante corkscrew.

(Well, Nostradamus came from an age where the death penalty still applied pretty much everywhere. We can only hope as much.)

4. Concerning the Recent Perfect Game Spoiled By A Bad Call, But.....

Twenty-sixe rise and twenty-sixe fall
The final one is made safe at starting bease (sic)
With no regard, but the judge weeps, and the aggrieved
Is madeth whole, all's well that enswell.

(Twist of irony: Nostradamus actually coined the word 'enswell' in a
quatrain foreshadowing boxing and more accurately, the third Ali- Frazier "Thriller in Manila" bout in 1975)

5. Concerning the Rise of Sarah Palin:

And from the frozen North land
Comes a maiden fair and noble in deed
Both loved and hated in part
A gadfly to the fair but vile Behar.

(Nostradamus, if he were alive today, besides being well over 400 years old, would probably be non-plussed by Mrs. Behar's obsessive animus towards the Alaska governor)

6. Concerning the Fascinating Rise of the Twitter Phenomenon:

Arises then a world message place
Which standeth for all thoughts
From the minds of ones who state:
"I possesseth a boil here on my arse; prithee thine reaction?"

(Nostradamus came from an age when paper and parchments were costly
and the printed word was not cheap-hence the sarcasm.)

7. Concerning the Superiority in Pulchitrude of the Pre-1970's Actresses to the
Post-1970's Actresses:

In the Berry ('Holly'?-ed.)Wood early time,
Damsels fair and fleshly reign
But giving way to thin gaunt and almost,
Manly sorts to much disdain.

(Of course Nostradamus could not have foreseen the many exceptions to the overall
rule, but it still applies (see Kim Novak (pictured) also Tuesday Weld-last post-irony of ironies!)

8. Concerning the Superiority of the 1980's Celtics-Lakers Rivalries to the Current One:

In the time of Ronalde Gipp (Reagan?-ed)
The Great Bird and Magick strode
On hard floors of woods and pine
Not to be equalled henceforth.

(Nostradamus has another quatrain in which he foresees the abortive comeback of
Michael Jordan, post 1998)

9. Concerning the Nature of "Hannity's America":

So the loquacious Hibernian spoke
And spoke and spoke and spoke
On topics much agreed well, but
To talketh himself into the grounde and mill.

(Well, I sort of agree with old Nostradamus on this one. Sean Hannity makes a lot of sense and I personally agree with most of his conservative positions, but he loses his audience when he runs an issue 'into the grounde and mill' as it were.)

10. Concerning the Rise of the 'Nostradamus Industry':

Things foreseen and things to come
Can apply to any thing or nothing at all,
And old Barnum of P.T.'s fame has said:
'A sucker every sixty seconde is born."

(And with that, I shall be as old Meyer Wolfsheim in 'The Great Gatsby' and say that I will leave the young men to discuss their sports and young women, but as for me, I belong to a different generation, therefore, I bid you all Adieu!)