Nostradamus Predictions

Here are a few very timely Nostradamus predictions (from "All Things Nostradamus", LSU Press, 1997). Judge for yerself whether the old Frenchman hits it out of the park or whiffs it big-time. Remember, these were all made in the 16th century!

1. Concerning the BP Oil Spill:

And in the 'Greate Gulf'
There came an force and blast
Spilling ye carbons into the sea
Ruinin' de shrimp and killin' BP.

(This one is a little atypical of Casa Nostra, since he usually never
rhymed any of them.)

2. Concerning the Helen Thomas Debacle:

And on the white lawn
The ancient hag speakes
Regarding Zion and Canaan's lands, she
Hath stayeth way, way, way overlong.

(Nostradamus speaks for us all; Ms. Thomas shoulda been retired many moons ago.)

3. Concerning the Joran Van Der S***t Situation:

Vain and rotten spoiled
The bad prince slayeth two more fair,
But ending in the Inca house (!)
By hanging, decapitation and the giante corkscrew.

(Well, Nostradamus came from an age where the death penalty still applied pretty much everywhere. We can only hope as much.)

4. Concerning the Recent Perfect Game Spoiled By A Bad Call, But.....

Twenty-sixe rise and twenty-sixe fall
The final one is made safe at starting bease (sic)
With no regard, but the judge weeps, and the aggrieved
Is madeth whole, all's well that enswell.

(Twist of irony: Nostradamus actually coined the word 'enswell' in a
quatrain foreshadowing boxing and more accurately, the third Ali- Frazier "Thriller in Manila" bout in 1975)

5. Concerning the Rise of Sarah Palin:

And from the frozen North land
Comes a maiden fair and noble in deed
Both loved and hated in part
A gadfly to the fair but vile Behar.

(Nostradamus, if he were alive today, besides being well over 400 years old, would probably be non-plussed by Mrs. Behar's obsessive animus towards the Alaska governor)

6. Concerning the Fascinating Rise of the Twitter Phenomenon:

Arises then a world message place
Which standeth for all thoughts
From the minds of ones who state:
"I possesseth a boil here on my arse; prithee thine reaction?"

(Nostradamus came from an age when paper and parchments were costly
and the printed word was not cheap-hence the sarcasm.)

7. Concerning the Superiority in Pulchitrude of the Pre-1970's Actresses to the
Post-1970's Actresses:

In the Berry ('Holly'?-ed.)Wood early time,
Damsels fair and fleshly reign
But giving way to thin gaunt and almost,
Manly sorts to much disdain.

(Of course Nostradamus could not have foreseen the many exceptions to the overall
rule, but it still applies (see Kim Novak (pictured) also Tuesday Weld-last post-irony of ironies!)

8. Concerning the Superiority of the 1980's Celtics-Lakers Rivalries to the Current One:

In the time of Ronalde Gipp (Reagan?-ed)
The Great Bird and Magick strode
On hard floors of woods and pine
Not to be equalled henceforth.

(Nostradamus has another quatrain in which he foresees the abortive comeback of
Michael Jordan, post 1998)

9. Concerning the Nature of "Hannity's America":

So the loquacious Hibernian spoke
And spoke and spoke and spoke
On topics much agreed well, but
To talketh himself into the grounde and mill.

(Well, I sort of agree with old Nostradamus on this one. Sean Hannity makes a lot of sense and I personally agree with most of his conservative positions, but he loses his audience when he runs an issue 'into the grounde and mill' as it were.)

10. Concerning the Rise of the 'Nostradamus Industry':

Things foreseen and things to come
Can apply to any thing or nothing at all,
And old Barnum of P.T.'s fame has said:
'A sucker every sixty seconde is born."

(And with that, I shall be as old Meyer Wolfsheim in 'The Great Gatsby' and say that I will leave the young men to discuss their sports and young women, but as for me, I belong to a different generation, therefore, I bid you all Adieu!)